Page 22 of Pope’s Purgatory

That man, the one letting another woman grind on him, the one begging to see another woman naked, that was a stranger. It was a man I no longer knew becausemyApollonos . . . he wouldn’t do this to me, no matter how much it would save my life.MyApollonos knew why loyalty was such a big deal for me. MyPope, however, would have no compunction doing whatever he felt was necessary no matter how many causalities were left in his wake.

Loving both sides of him was my mission in life. I only wish I would have known that my mission would leave me broken when he chose to no longer honor our bond.

If it wasn’t for Valkyrie, I’m not sure I’d have walked out of that clubhouse. She’s always been there, refusing to let me fall, and even though I know she’s hurting from what just happened, she’s still holding me together.

I wasn’t the only one who lost people in that room tonight, and knowing she’s feeling the pain of it has me considering how badly I want to light a match and watch it all fucking burn.

If only it was that easy for me to hurt the people I love.

Val and I are able to get both of our places packed up fairly easy within a couple hours, and in the early morning light, we steal out of Coral Cay with no intentions of ever coming back.

Life never goes the way we plan, though.

Especially when each stick of plastic pops up with a little blue positive sign.

Seven Years Later

Our battle with theSteel Slayers was as bloody as I’d expected it to be. With each good man we lost, a tally was scored upon my soul. Each death weighed heavily on my shoulders as we fought a long two-year battle with the biggest rival club in the States.

By the time the President of the Steel Slayers Mother Chapter came to us to negotiate a treaty with the Coral Cay chapter of the Saint’s Outlaws, we were all weary and worn out.

The holes left in our club were fucking huge, and I had no idea how the hell I was supposed to fill them. Shit changed after Birdie and Valkyrie left. The bond with my brothers was still as tight, but we spent months on the outs, snarling and snapping at each other. It wasn’t until our lack of focus almost got Manic killed that we started repairing our bond.

I missed Birdie so fucking much and rarely slept most nights. The nights I did were with the aid of a bottle of bourbon and sometimes a pair of warm legs to slide between.

When Birdie and Valkyrie left, Cypher and Bugsy were able to follow them through a few states. But when they hit the Kentucky line, the girls managed to give them the slip. It wasn’t until five years ago that Cypher was able to get a bead on them. Once I had a location, I was on my way. One way or another, Birdie was coming home with me. I’d spent too many goddamn years without her at my side, and I didn’t think I could stomach another night in a cold bed.

When I made it to the address Cypher gave me, I stayed back, needing to get a feel for what I’d be walking into.

Except the heart that was slowly beginning to beat again stopped when her front door opened and two little kids came running outside with a laugh. They looked so much like my Birdie, there was never a doubt whose children they were. They looked to be the same age, one boy and one girl, so I assumed they were twins. The little girl had bright copper hair just like her mama, and the boy had a shaggy mess of brown hair. Hope began to beat under my skin again as the thought that they may be mine filled my head, until moments later, when I got my first look at Birdie in over two fucking years. She was tucked under the arm of another man with a head of brown hair. The sun caught the rings on their fingers and the last little bit of Apollonos fell aside.

She was married with two kids, and the smile on her face as she watched them indicated how happy she was.

I fought the war against the Steel Slayers and came out the winner, but as I sat there, staring at the life she’d found without me, I realized I didn’t win anything.

I’d lost it all.

I don’t remember how long I sat there watching them, a happy family that should have been mine, but however long it was, it drew Birdie and her husband’s attention. She stared at me, her face betraying how broken she felt just seeing me. Her expression told me just how much pain she still carried from my betrayal. It was a look that explained why our futures were going to be a different version from the one we’d envisioned together.

I tried so hard to convey how sorry I was for how everything went down, and when she gave me a small sad smile, I knew she’d read it. So, when her husband wrapped his arm around her and sent me a smirk above her head, I knew it was time to get out of there before I killed him and took away her happiness again.

When I got back to the clubhouse, I’d grabbed a bottle and a club whore, and for the first time since I’d met Birdie, I buried myself inside another woman.

The pleasure was weak and fleeting, but for just a few moments, I felt something other than the fucking emptiness that’s followed me since I shoved Birdie out of my life.

I’m pulled from my thoughts when the body beside me begins to stir.

“You can go,” I growl, climbing from the bed and grabbing the trash can from the floor so I can make sure the used condoms go down the toilet.

Laura is one of the new dancers at The Body Shop, and after a few drinks, she was able to talk her way into my bed at the clubhouse. I’ve only fucked a few club whores since the day I came back from seeing Birdie. Never Dimples or Spunky, much to their dismay. Normally, I pick up a piece of ass from outside the club though, hating the drama that comes along with fucking the girls in the club.

“What? Really?”

“Look, babe, I don’t do this. I don’t do the post-coital bullshit, I don’t do pillow talk, I don’t do fucking any of it. I fuck and then Isend you on your way. I warned you of that last night before you decided to follow me back here. You made your choice. If you expected anything else, that’s a ‘you’ problem. I want to fucking shower and wash you from my skin, so get your shit and get gone.”

“Wow. You really are the heartless asshole they say you are.”

“Why are you still here?” I ask, lifting a brow and waving toward the door. “Go.”

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