Page 59 of His Dark Vices

"Know what?" she asks with a hint of irritation.

"I love you."

I find her eyes and try to pass on the sincerity of my words. For a moment, I can see her gaze softening, like I'm thawing her out, if only a little. It's like she wants to believe me. I nod, reaching for her again, but that's all it takes to snap her out of it. Her shoulders square, and she's shut me out again.

"I love you, Bree. And I think you love me, too. We have something here, between us. You can't deny that. If we start over, if you give me a chance, we can heal together. We both need healing, that's why we come together so well."

Bree smiles bitterly, openly avoiding my eyes now.

"You're trying to see what you want to see. You're trying to paint it all as some big romantic gesture in your mind, but it isn't. I'm sorry your parents walked out on you. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you used me as an escape. How about you denythat?" She jabs a finger into my chest.

And I fucking know she's right.

I've been glossing over the reality of something that got completely out of hand. And the end doesn't justify the means. Not by a long shot.

My heart sinks, and suddenly, I'm the one who can't look at her.

"I became your weird little obsession because you couldn't cope. And I used you to escape the stress in my life. We don't have some magical connection, we just happened to blow off steam together. But we can't just be each other's coping mechanisms. That's not healthy. Your parents are dead now, Sam. You killed them. Congratulations. That means you can move on. But you can do that without me."

Even the finality in her tone doesn't give me the courage to look up at her. I know it's my last chance. There's nothing more for her to say, and I have no excuses left.

I'm done trying to make excuses.

When I first thought about coming clean to her here on Christmas Eve, I told myself to be prepared for this outcome. And if need be, I had to let her go, if she wanted.

I just hoped she wouldn't want to leave.

Silence stretches between us as the last rays of sun leave the clearing. Then I watch her boots start moving, taking the steps toward me.

So she can walk past.

"I'm not coming back here, Sam," she says quietly.

All I do is watch her boots. They linger a beat longer, then with determination, she's off, following the path we both walked to get here. Except when she's out of the forest, I know her path will diverge from mine.

I hang on to the sound of her walking away, a wild pain tearing at my heart. As the sound gets softer and softer, thoughts flood my head. I could have stopped her, pleaded with her. I could still follow her now or orchestrate some other scheme to get us back together. I have the money, the means. I could have turned around to get one last look.

Maybe a last kiss could have turned this all around.

But no matter what stupid shit I think about, all I'm left with is a growing sense of cold and a pain in my heart that only grows sharper.

Heart break.

It's similar to what I felt when I realized my parents weren't coming back. But back then, I turned away from the rejection, the pain was too great. I want to do that now, too.

But I don't.

I sit with it until twilight fades into inky blackness.

Until Bree's last footsteps are gone, filled in by fresh white snow.

I stand in the clearing until my legs are stiff and aching, staring at the spot where she last stood.

A little longer, just a little longer, I tell myself.

I'll hold on to Bree just a little longer.

CHAPTER 22

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