Page 54 of Choosing Skyler

“Come on, man. That was barely a panic attack. Besides, I felt it. In the elevator when sheleft. I don’t know how else to describe it, but I felt it,” I tell him. “I just don’t knowwhyshe would choose to leave us like that.”

“I do. Damn it! Stupid martyr bullshit. She thinks she’s protecting us fromherdemons. They just got a whole lot bigger and a whole lot darker. Think you can kiss them away, now?” he snarks.

I shove him in the shoulder. “Don’t!” I tell him, pointing my finger in his face. “I know you’re upset and losing it just like the rest of us, but don’tyoupush us away too. We’ve got enough of a battle to get Skyler back. And wewillget her back,” I say vehemently.

“I know. I’m sorry. Let’s get these damn plates. Chelsea left them at the nurses’ station so I could talk to you out of Skyler’s earshot,” he says, pushing off the wall and walking toward the nurses’ station.

“I figured as much. Let’s get this lunch party on. Maybe the smell of foodsherequested will snap her out of it,” I say, knowing as the words leave my mouth that it’s not going to be that simple.

On the way back to the room, Devon tells me that the medicine the doctor prescribed reallyisan anxiety medication, but it’s also been known to help with cases like Skyler’s. Hopefully, it will let her mind’s anxiety rest enough to see reason and come back to us. He also told me that he has to stay at the hospital with Skyler until she comes out of thisstatesince he’s her medical proxy.

“How is it any different than when she was unconscious?” I ask him, terrified that I’m going to be forced out.

“Calm down. You’re not going anywhere. I’ll get to that. The difference is that she can appear awake even though she’s not really, but she is. It’s hard to explain. I’ll take it if it means we can both stay. The doctor literally ordered you as a companion—like a prescription. I can’t wait until this is all over and I can jab her about you being ‘just what the doctor ordered’ because he literally did.” He laughs.

I laugh too and it feels good to let something in other than the devastation I’ve felt since she slipped away. It happened with me right there in front of her and I couldn’t stop it. I just hope I’m strong enough to pull her back.

The nurse follows us back to the room with Skyler’s medication and a bag of IV fluids, so she doesn’t get dehydrated. After she leaves, we have our “lunch party” with everyone talking to Skyler like she’s part of the conversation. We all push food around our plates more than we actually eat. Skyler doesn’t look at anyone or even reach for her fork. She just sits, staring at the table. I watch her constantly for any sign that she’s with us: a twitch, a grin, a frown,anything,but there’s nothing other than the occasional blink.

After lunch, Chelsea leans down to kiss Skyler’s cheek. “I’ll leave the rest in case you want it later. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, Hun.”

Nothing.

Chelsea sighs and walks toward the door. “You boys call if you need me, you hear?”

“We will,” I tell her and Devon nods.

“Mom, I think I’m going to head out with you and help you clean up at home,” Tracey says, getting up from the sofa where she’s been sitting next to Devon. “I love you, Sissy Sky. Keep these two in check, yeah?” she says, leaning in to kiss Skyler on the cheek.

Nothing.

Devon stands. “I’m going to walk them down. I’ll be back up in a few,” he tells me.

I just nod. Everyone wants to get away from thenothing. Not me. I’ll sit with it for the rest of my life if I know my beautiful girl is trapped inside.I need you to stay with me. I need you to choose me. I need you.I can hear her saying.

I lean over and grip the back of her neck, pressing my forehead to hers and whisper, “I’m right here, Beautiful. I’m not going anywhere. Ineedyou, too.”

Nothing.

“Ichooseyou.”

Nothing.

“Iloveyou.”

Nothing.

“Iseeyou.”

Nothing.

I kiss her forehead before standing and picking her up. I walk over to the bed, careful not to pull on her IV tubing. I sit down with her in my lap and lay back, holding her to me. I tuck her head under my chin and close my eyes.

Nothing.

Chapter 21

Skyler

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