Page 59 of The Ruins of the Heartless Fae

“I wouldn’t do well in that weather.” She tried to imagine a younger Blár climbing up mountains, bright-eyed and bundled in sheep’s skin. It was a different image than the current Blár. “But I guess I’d do well with the mountains, since there are rocks and stones there.”

Silence engulfed them for a while, wrapping them tightly until the only noise was the soft waves of the wind against the sand. It was so quiet that Kolfinna thought he fell asleep, but when she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, he was awake and staring at the sky.

“You know, I hate you,” she whispered.

His gaze flicked to her. “I don’t like you either.”

“Yes, but Ihateyou.” Her nails dug into her elbows. She wanted to look away from him, but she couldn’t. She stared at the dark bruise on his cheek the size of a fist, at his long lashes, at the rippling muscles tight across his uniform. “Every time I see your face, every time I limp with this leg, I’m reminded of my greatest loss. You almost killed me, and I hate you for that. And do you know what really bothers me? It’s that youdidn’tkill me. And I just can’t wrap my head around it. Why did you let me go?”

The wind ruffled his hair and sent a gust of sand to dust him. He appeared unbothered and turned back to stare at the stars.

“You could’ve killed me. You could’ve chased me. You could’ve put in more effort.” Her skin broke underneath her nails, blood clinging to them. “Why didn’t you? Was it because you were bored? Or you couldn’t be bothered to? Or that you pitied me? Why?”

Blár pressed his lips together. “None of those.”

“Thenwhy?”

“I was pissed off.” He breathed out deeply as he pulled himself into a sitting position. Sand fell off his shoulders and hair with the movement. “My orders were to kill you. But that little shit Sijur was getting on my nerves. If I had killed you, he would’ve gotten the credit. I wanted to piss him off. So, I disobeyed and let you go.”

Kolfinna finally had the answer to the question that had been plaguing her the past year but instead of feeling satisfied, a numbing feeling spread through her chest at the memory of the attack. The temperature in the sweltering summer heat had plummeted, and everyone in the streets of the town had been confused. Kolfinna had made a mistake earlier that morning when she didn’t brew a strong enough “weedy” tea to completely cover her pink eyes. She thought no one had noticed, but when she heard rumors of Blár Vilulf being in town that evening, she realized her cover was up. She had to run. And so she had run to the forest, thinking it would protect her. She had thought she was the strongest in nature, and that no one could touch her there. But he had proved her wrong.

She had realized she was in over her head when the entire forest suddenly froze and was coated in a thick, hard, bluish-white ice. She had been so cold as she tripped and slipped, trying to get out of the wintry forest. She hadn’t been able to draw from the plants surrounding her because they were too frozen and her mana couldn’t break them free. She must’ve been stumbling in the forest for hours before he found her. It was like from a nightmare when he had walked toward her. The only sound had been the crunch of his footsteps. And then those eyes had come into view. So icy, so blue. So murderous.

She had thought she would die right then and there at the hands of a monster.

“Did you want me to kill you?”His voice broke through her memories and the cold air breezed over her shoulders.

“Of course not,” she responded quickly and slid down the boulder to protect herself from the chilling wind. “Why would I want to die? I’ve spent my whole life trying to survive.”

He dusted sand off his hair distractedly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to. It’s not like you have anything going for you.”

“What?”

“I mean, you don’t have family or anything. That shit gets depressing.”

She fell silent for a moment and stuck her hand into the sand. She raised it and watched the sand granules slip through her fingers. She hadn’t done much reading about Blár, but what she had read hadn’t listed any family. “You speak like you know how that feels,” she said carefully.

“Is this the part of our journey where we unload all our burdens and become friends?” Blár snorted, laughed, and then grew quiet. He lay back down and stared up at the vault of black sky peppered with white stars. “This sucks.”

“Nobody said anything about becoming friends.” Kolfinna pulled her thin cloak tighter around herself until she felt like the fabric would tear. It did nothing against the freezing climate, but it covered her smile when she pulled it over half her face. “You tried to kill me, remember?”

“I was following orders.”

“What about that stuff you said about the ‘cat and mouse’ game?”

He smiled, and his vibe seemed to lighten from that single smile. “Well, Iaman asshole.”

“Oh? So you knew this whole time?”

“Don’t pretend like you’re not one either.” Blár suddenly became serious again. “We’re not friends, and I don’t think we’ll ever be. But at least we can be … I don’t know,civiltoward each other?” He spoke clumsily, as if the words didn’t fit right in his mouth. And he fidgeted, like he knew it didn’t suit him. “And yes, I did say some stuff I shouldn’t have said. And … I’m sorry.”

Kolfinna blinked. The moons seemed to still in the sky as she looked at him, and even the wind seemed to stop howling. Did Blár Vilulf actuallyapologize? She hadn’t expected or prepared for that.

“I didn’t think—well, I don’t know—I thought you were going to sabotage the mission,” he continued. “Why would a fae want to help anyone? You guys, I mean, the fae, probably hate everyone? At least that’s what I was thinking.”

“We’re not hateful creatures.”

“I wouldn’t blame you if you did hate everyone.” Blár carefully placed his cloak on the sand and laid on it. He moved slowly, and Kolfinna wondered if his back stung when he lay on it. “Look at all the crap you’ve all been through. A lot of people kill fae. Most of them aren’t even bad people.”

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