Page 105 of The Daughter of the Scarred Elf

“It’s not easy!” Joran’s hold on the candle tightened and his fingers indented the yellow wax. “If you weren’t forced to be here as a well-known fae, would you keep it a secret or tell everyone?If the Royal Guards had never caught you, would you still announce that you’re a fae? Because, forgive me if I’m wrong, you lived your whole life hiding that you’re a fae, didn’t you?” He took a step closer, and his voice rose now that they were alone. “So why is it wrong that I—and thousands of other fae, mind you—do the same? Why would any fae want to be known as fae? They’d be targets for the Hunter’s Association and everyone else who hates fae! You should know that—you went through so much trouble ever since everyone found out who you are. I don’t want to do that to myself.”

“There you have it,” Kolfinna sneered and she fought the urge to spit at him. “You care more about that than you do about me. Which is fine, except when you act likethis.” She gestured to him rudely. “Look at you, acting all worked up on my behalf, like you and I are something, and getting angry that Blár is in the room with me, when you won’t do anything to protect me. Orhelpme.”

“Do you love him?”

All at once, she didn’t want to deal with this conversation anymore. She didn’t want to fly into a fit of fury at how infuriating Joran was being, but she also knew that she had to deal with this now.

Kolfinna mustered up the dregs of patience she had left within her and said, “Joran, you and I aren’t close enough where I can talk to you about things like that. It’s honestly inappropriate for you to even think that I would tell you about my personal life. We are not close. I don’t know if I somehow gave you that impression, but we aren’t.”

“We’re in this together.” Joran fidgeted with his sleeve and she inadvertently touched the rune on her wrist. He followed her movement and continued quickly, “You’re the one who wanted this life, anyway. I don’t want to out myself as a fae because thisis the life I want. Where I’m protected, where I’m safe. Where no one can hurt me.”

“Okay, and good for you? What does that have to do with the fact that you didn’t save me when you could have?”

“Youshould’ve saved yourself.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Kolfinna’s fingers tightened around the blanket. She was losing more of her patience by the second. Why was he even here—just to tell that she should’ve let herself die from that winged fae, and that it wasn’t his fault she was captured? “I would’ve saved myself if I could have! But I couldn’t; I was drained of my mana, and I needed help! We’re supposed to be comrades. Fellow soldiers.”

Joran turned his face away. “I don’t want anyone to know that I’m fae.”

Kolfinna wanted to bang her head on the wall.

“Yes, you’ve said that already.” She rolled her eyes and waved at the door. “Is that all? Is this why you woke me up when I’m supposed to be resting? To tell me it isn’t your fault?”

“No, but I just wanted to let you know?—”

“Yes, yes, that you don’t want anyone to know you’re fae.” Her temples began to throb with a budding headache and she stared at the door impatiently, as if Blár would pop in and shoo Joran away. “I don’t like how people treat me either, but I really think being open about being a fae is the first step in making people become accustomed to our kind in a positive way. They have to find it normal to see a fae walking around, having jobs, being in the military. I want to make a difference?—”

“And that’s great—for you.”Joran shifted on his feet and the glow from the candlelight made the flecks of orange in his eyes seem more apparent—more fae. “I’m trying to do the same for our people.”

“How?” Kolfinna laughed bitterly. “By forcing women into a rune bargain with Sijur that will ultimately kill them or makethem his slaves for eternity?That’show you’re helping our race?”

He flinched like she had slapped him. “I-I don’t … I don’t have a choice.”

“Why do you even have a rune mark or binding with Sijur?” Kolfinna pressed. “I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t write down some gibberish—since he can’t understand it anyway—becauseyouwere there to make sure the runes were correct. But you? Which fae was hovering over your head making sure you wrote the correct rune to bind you to Sijur forever? How would Sijur even know?”

Joran fidgeted with the cuff of his sleeve for the hundredth time. The candle bobbed in his hand awkwardly. “I’m indebted to Lieutenant Bernsten.”

“So you were naïve enough to forfeit your life to him?” She scoffed. “You can be indebted to someone and still have your own free will. Why would you give that up?”

He didn’t meet her gaze.

“Joran.”

“Look, things are complicated.” Joran’s voice became smaller, almost like he wanted to disappear. “Lieutenant Bernsten saved my life. My aunt and I were running to the Mistlands from hunters and … He saved me. I’m indebted to him.”

“And your aunt?”

He stared at the floor.

It wasn’t unusual for fae to lose loved ones to the hunters. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’m indebted to him,” Joran whispered again. “He protects me here. Do you really think life would be easier for us if he wasn’t around? Didn’t you suffer in the Royal Guards?”

Bitterness filled her mouth, and it wasn’t entirely because of the memories from the Royal Guards—but the fact that Sijur hadtaken advantage of her when she was in a precarious situation. “Life would be easier if I wasn’t bound to him for fifteen years.”

“He saved me, and he saved you too. If he hadn’t stepped in, do you really think the guards would’ve let you live after what you did? What’s fifteen years in the face of death?”

“I’m forced to do whatever he wants in those fifteen years!” She threw her hands up and then grimaced as pain shot up her injured shoulder; it was healing, though, bit by bit, because she hadn’t been able to move it earlier. “I don’t want that kind of life! And to make matters worse, Sijur wants to do terrible things with my powers. I can’t let that happen. This isn’t what I signed up for.”

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