“Yes. We both realized it would mean we would die in a few short years.” He looked down at the ground. “The people around us realized Muyang had changed, but they didn’t know why. ThePeccata… the children I raised, were confused when Muyang didn’t know them like he used to, since I took some of those memories. And the others within Muyang’s council, some of whom he knew before taking the throne, were also confused about why he acted differently. More unhinged, as is the case when one becomes incomplete. It was an unfortunate side effect, watching the people I care for be confused and hurt when Muyang treated them differently since he didn’t remember them like I did.”
Daiyu remembered back in the carriage with Nikator when he had sadly explained to her that things had changed once Muyang took the throne. This was what he had meant, but he couldn’t have known that this was the reason why.
“I should have never taken the throne. I didn’t have good intentions anyway. I only wanted revenge, but once I had my brother’s throne, I couldn’t leave it to just anyone. I had to rule.” His long, inky hair whipped around himself with the wind. “I had to spite all the people who had made my life hell in the palace. I had to kill them all and get my revenge, and I could only do that as the emperor. But I knew it would be short-lived … this rule of mine. I didn’t want anyone to find out who I truly was. That I belonged on the throne. That I was—am—a MuRong.”
“So you took on a new name.”
“Drakkon.” Feiyu nodded. “A moniker I received during my time in Sanguis.”
Daiyu could only stare at him. She didn’t know what to think of any of this, but she knew with certainty that Muyang was a tortured soul who had done what he had to in order to satiate his revenge. But now that he had it, he must have felt so … empty? Angry?Confused?
As if reading her mind, he continued, “Muyang might not have remembered all the people who have wronged him,us, but that’s why I stayed in the palace. To make sure that we got our revenge properly. But we never planned on staying on the throne for long. Eventually, our souls would die. And now … that time is near.”
“Feiyu—” She stopped herself, unsure if she could even call him that. “You can’t … you can’t just?—”
“When Muyang took you as a bride, itangeredme.” Something dark broiled in his black eyes, so scorching that Daiyu inched away from him. His scarred, calloused hands curled together and he clenched his jaw tightly. “He committed the same crime our father had done to our mother. He forced you to … to behis, when he had no business doing such a thing. Daiyu, you must know that if we were in our right state of mind, we would have never forced you to become ours. We wouldn’t have …” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I never wanted to become the same monster my father was.”
“You’re not a monster,” Daiyu said, rushing over to him. She took his face in her hands; it felt so natural to touch him like this, to stare into those eyes, like she had done hundreds of times before. “Even the other half of you … he never forced himself upon me. You have to understand that the relationship between your father and mother is completely different than what I have with Muyang. He would never hurt me like your father hurt your mother, and he would never keep me around if he knew it would hurt me. You would never hurt me. You aren’t a monster, Muyang. Not this version of you, and not the other.”
He searched her face as if not believing her. “After knowing all of this, you still want to save him? To saveme?”
“Yes. A million times yes.”
“He’s a cruel monster, and I am no better.”
“You aren’t a monster.”
“I am. I should have never taken the throne. I should have never involved you in our mess?—”
“Muyang.” She held his face tighter, wishing he could see what she saw—a sad soul who couldn’t find peace, who wanted to find it, and whose other half had searched for it. “I love you,allof you. What happened to you was truly terrible and you did what you could to cope with yourself, even if it meant mutilating your own soul. You were in so much pain. You only did what you could think of to help yourself. I can’t fault you for doing that.”
Behind all that rage, grief and pain shone on his face. He had likely never properly grieved over his mother, or the torture he endured, or everything he had lost whilst being in the royal palace. It must have been so painful, so traumatic, to walk through the same halls that he had been tortured in. To stare at the same walls that had housed his abuse. And to pretend like it didn’t bother him at all.
“Muyang, what happens now?” Daiyu asked quietly.
He stood very still, the leaves rustling behind him and the grass swaying against his shins. “Now … we go to the palace and reunite with the other half of my soul. But, Daiyu, are you sure you want to do this? We won’t be the same.”
“I want you alive, Muyang. I don’t care if?—”
“You didn’t fall in love with the Muyang I was four years ago.” The look in his eyes hardened, like he was expecting her to run. “I am much more of a monster when I have all of my memories.”
“You aren’t a monster.”
“I have so much more anger toward the world.”
“Then how are you standing here in front of me without lashing out at me?” she questioned. “Your part of the soul was burdened with the heaviest of your trauma and you can still find ways to smile and laugh and joke with me. You’re still able to find kindness in your heart. The other half of you—whom I love very much—doesn’t have that. He’s much more …” She struggled to find the words.
“Uncaring?” He smiled softly. “He doesn’t remember all the memories of our mother and the lessons she instilled in us. He’s much more confused than me.”
“He cares … but it’s not the same.” She loved Muyang, she really did, but he and Feiyu seemed to be two completely different people. The Muyang she knew was cruel, indifferent, and cold. Feiyu, on the other hand, was playful and kind. She couldn’t imagine the two of them being the same person. But she loved Muyang, and she cared for Feiyu as a friend.
“Once we reunite, all of our memories will join together.”
“You both are still the same person. Just … different.”
“And what if you don’t like the difference?”
The corner of Daiyu’s mouth twitched into a grin. “You think I would abandon you just because you’re different? It’s like you said earlier. I don’t know much about Muyang—about you. We have our whole lives in front of us to fall deeper in love and get to know each other.”