Page 61 of Master Cole

“You feel that Cole can’t give that to you.”

“Won’t.” Janie absently ran her fingers over the pillow. “He won’t let himself go with me. It’s always slow and measured. Watching Master Keith with his sub last Saturday, I realized that while he was careful, he took her higher, he pushed her limits.”

“That was one hot scene last Saturday.”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath. “Do you remember the night you left Cole and me alone?”

“Yep, I was hoping you and he would have some time together to, you know, play.”

“Which I appreciate, and we did except—” She broke off and glanced down at her fingers.

“Janie.” The concern in Alicia’s voice had Janie lifting her head. “What happened? Did he accidently hurt you?”

“Oh, no. Don’t think that.” She gave a small grin. “It’s been pretty brutal at work, as I’ve told you, with the threats and stuff.” Alicia nodded. “Well, that was the day Liz came in all beat up, and her husband stalking all of us in the parking lot.”

“I’d forgotten it happened that day.”

“Yeah, well, I needed to let go. That’s one thing I can do with Cole when we play, is totally let my control go. Cole will take care of me without a problem.”

“And something went wrong that night?”

“Yes, and no. Cole was flogging me. I needed the release, and when I let go of my control, I started to cry. Hell, I was sobbing. My emotions went totally out of control.”

“I’ve read about that. It’s cathartic; a way for some to get their emotions out without feeling guilty.”

Janie nodded. “Well, that’s what happened, and Cole freaked out.”

“Did you explain?”

“You know I can’t. Cole has no idea about my job.”

“Why haven’t you told him, Janie?”

“Because he’ll go all Dom on me.” She squeezed the pillow harder. “I love what I do. I love helping women, but Cole won’t get that. All he’ll see is the possible danger.”

“And it’s up to you to tell him that you can handle it. I’ve seen you. We both took self-defense classes in college, and didn’t you tell me the sheriff’s department came out this last week with a refresher course?”

“They did.” Because of Liz’s husband and other strange events, the director of the clinic had decided that all of them should know what to do in case something happened.

“I wish you would tell Cole.”

“I will.” Janie stared at her friend. “So after that night, Cole has been treating me with kid gloves. Even the night we went to the club. We watched that scene together but the most he did was cup my breasts. Other couples were snuggling, or even just holding each other.”

“I see.”

“Cole told me when he started he wouldn’t allow his emotions to be involved. I thought he was joking. He doesn’t want to be involved with me. He’ll teach me but he won’t love me.” The last two words caused tears to fill her eyes.

“Oh, Janie.” Alicia slid across the mattress and hugged her friend. “What are you going to do?”

“How would you like a roommate?”

Alicia’s mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

“I have to do something. Living with him is killing me. I need to make a clean break.”

“Then let’s do it.” Alicia jumped off the bed. “We can get you a bed tomorrow and have them deliver it Monday if they can’t get it here tomorrow. We’ve shared a bed before.”

“I love you, girlfriend.” Janie hugged Alicia.

“Right back at ya.” Alicia laughed. “So how do you want to do this?”

Janie sat back. “I need to do this alone.” She didn’t want to, but it would be better that way. “I’ll go back to Cole’s house tonight and pack. Then I’ll tell him in the morning.”

“Are you sure you want to do this alone?”

“No, but it’s better this way.” Janie glanced at her watch. “It’s almost seven now. So I should be back here by nine tomorrow morning.”

“Okay, but if you need me, call.”

“I will.” Janie slipped off the bed and left Alicia’s apartment, her heart heavy.

---