Page 149 of Reluctantly Rogue

My heart thuds against my rib cage. I give him a shaky smile. "However?"

"Iwassurprised when he told me that he wishes he could be working with you on a more personal level."

Oh no.

Diarmuid laughs softly. "I’m not surprised bythatof course. You're lovely. I’m certain there are any number of men who wish they could get closer to you personally. I was surprised that Christian told me that you and he had discussed that and that you had informed him that you were spoken for."

Oh.No.

My mouth goes dry.

It hadn’t even occurred to me that this would ever get back to Diarmuid. The night when I was on the phone with Christian, I wasdefinitelydistracted. And I wanted Jonah to hear me claiming him, not hiding him, or feeling the need to keep us a secret. But it hadn’t occurred to me that Christian would ever tell the king that he wanted to date me.

"I’m surprised Christian would bring that conversation up,” I finally say, hoping my voice sounds normal to Diarmuid.

"I’m glad he did.”

My palms are sweating.

Diarmuid doesn’t seem angry with me. But I’m prepared, I realize, to say that yes, I’m in love with Jonah and that if the king insists on us no longer seeing each other or Jonah leaving the country, I will put my foot down. I will not deny my feelings.

“I know this has all been frustrating, but it makes me so happy that you consider Torin your fiancé, even though we haven’t made a formal announcement and even though he has been difficult."

I freeze. I stare at the older man. I feel the air rush out of my lungs.

Christian had not mentioned Jonah. He only said that I told him I was spoken for. Not by who.

My adrenaline is pumping and I feel a little dizzy.

Diarmuid leans in and takes my hand. "I love you. And I know that your arrangement with Torin is not because you’re in love. I need you to know that I understand that. Better than you know.”

I let him take my hand and I even squeeze his back. I try to focus on his words instead of letting my mind spin with the close call we just had. And the fact that Jonah’s name could still be a part of a future conversation with Christian.

"You were fortunate to meet Roisin," I say.

His smile is full of affection. "Yes, Roisin is an excellent queen. She is a lovely woman. She has been an amazing partner for all these years. And I am a better king for it."

I frown. There’s something about what he says that feels off.

Or rather…what he doesn’t say.

He doesn’t talk about how much he loves her.

“When did you fall in love with Roisin?” I hear myself ask.

He takes a breath. He squeezes my hand again. “When our son was born. I walked in and saw her holding him and the love I felt in that moment was…unmistakable.”

I feel my mouth open, but then I shut it. I shake my head. “You…didn’t love her when you married her?”

He meets my gaze directly, which I appreciate. “Like you and Torin, ours was not a love match. Cara needed a queen like Roisin.Ineeded a queen like Roisin. It was not an arranged marriage like yours and Torin's. But I do know what it’s like being in a marriage based on duty versus love."

I stare at him. I didn’t know any of this. Roisin is a proud, independent, confident woman. Cara loves her, though she is quiet and is not described with words like ‘warm’ and ‘approachable’ and ‘relatable’. She’s looked up to. People trust her. She has equal power with the king, and she oversees initiatives and policies for education and women’s rights. I’ve heard the staff discuss the fact that they’ve never seen the king and queen disagree. If they do, it must happen only behind closed doors.

“So you’ve never dated and fallen in love?” I ask tentatively.

“I didn’t say that,” the king tells me.

I realize I’ve never looked up much about the king prior to him taking over the throne. It happened when he was only thirty-nine when his father died of a sudden heart attack.

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