Page 36 of Reluctantly Rogue

I set my phone down, and once again look over the plethora of cookies I have before me.

Jonah knows very well I didn’t make Torin cookies for his birthday. Or the king. Or anyone else. He knows everything I do.

So how in the hell is Jonah going to walk in here andnotimmediately know that I have a crush on him?

I’m sure he thinks I’m a little pathetic anyway. I’ve been pawned off on a man who doesn’t want me, and I’m actuallyagreeingto it. Not because I have a crush on Torin or want him to love me or anything, but I’ve been avoiding other men, saving myself for…what?

Ugh.

I need to get rid of these cookies.

But as I’m reaching for the tray I decorated first, I pause.

Jonah’s been here in Cara for over a year. Away from home. Away from so many things that he’s missed. He always smiles nostalgically when he talks about home. I don’t think he regrets coming here, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss being there.

And thinking about that smile makes me pick up the bag of chocolate icing and start swirling it onto the bare chocolate cookies.

Because…I want another one of Jonah’s smiles tonight. The happy, surprised smile that I’ve seen only once before, when Torin told him they were going back to the States just before Christmas.

He’s never surprised. He always knows what’s going to happen because he’s in charge of what’s going to happen. He makes the plans. He gives the orders.

But this will surprise him.

And Idowant to stay here in the kitchen until I see him. It’s his birthday. I want to at least wish my very-good-friend-who-can’t-be-anything-else a happy birthday.

My phone pings again, and I lean over, almost expecting it to be another message from Astrid.

Instead, it’s a notice from the podcast.

Wait ’Til I Tell Ye post:

Jen:It was so nice of all you ladies to give the birthday boy a kiss! ?? Thanks for being so generous. LOL! I know he’s feeling very good about this next year now! ?? Thanks for coming out for the celebration tonight!

I frown and lean in closer to read that again. Wait, what? Jonah was getting birthdaykissesat the pub?

That’s…not what I imagined when I pictured them out on the town.

I also don't like the flutter of jealousy that invokes.

I can't be jealous of Jonah getting kisses from other women.

If I were to kiss him…which I amnotgoing to do…it would be like kissing my brother. Just like Astrid said. So why should I care if he kisses other people?

It doesn’t matter at all.

He’s myfriend.

That’s it.

Jonah is the closest I have been to a man outside of my own family in…ever.

And the only maninsidemy family that I’ve been close to was my grandfather.

My brother Alex is great. But he’s my younger brother. I’ve always felt responsible for him. I don’t confide in him. I take care of him.

I was close to my grandfather, but it’s been years since we talked about my hopes and dreams and worries and plans. Even before his dementia got bad and he couldn’t really talk about it all.

Jonah is the first person I’ve really confided any fears or worries to in a very, very long time. I’ve prided myself on seeming confident and composed and ready for whatever lies ahead.

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