Page 100 of Midnight Wedding

Lena

I’m pretty tired from the excitement of the night before. Arsen’s out the door early though, so I’m left on my own to figure out what to do with all this exhausted energy. Since the library’s mostly done, I decide to spend some time on the nursery.

It’s strange how hard I’ve been working to avoid this room. I drift in and run my fingers over all the baby stuff: diapers, creams, blankets, onesies, and bottles. Soon enough I’ll be intimately familiar with it all.

But it’s hard to imagine. I’m going to be a mother. It’s coming sooner than I want it to. This baby is going to change everything?—

And I’m scared.

God, it freaks me out so much.

I call my mom in a moment of weakness. She answers, and it takes a second until she figures out the video chat. Her face appears on my phone screen, or at least half of it does. I get a nice shot of her chin.

“Lena? Honey? Are you there? Oh, god, I don’t know how to work this thing.”

“Hi, Mom, I can see you. Can you see me?”

“I think? Yes?” She comes into frame, frowning and squinting. “Oh, look at that. There you are.”

“Sorry if this is a bad time.”

“Bad time? All my time is good time. What’s the matter? You look like you’re going to cry.”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Just checking out the nursery.”

“Oh, honey,” she says gently as I fight back a sob. “Come on, talk to me.”

“I’m just scared, that’s all.” I can’t hold it back anymore. I sit down with my back to the crib as tears stream down my cheeks. Mom makes all the right sounds, and I wish she were here to give me an actual hug right now.

“I won’t sit here and pretend like it isn’t scary,” Mom admits, which doesn’t really help much. “But every new mother goes through this. It’s just part of figuring it out.”

“You were scared too?”

“My god, I was terrified. A baby growing inside of me? Disgusting.”

“It’s not disgusting,” I say with a laugh.

“Oh, you say that now, but just you wait. Your boobs will ache and get enormous, and there will be stretch marks. So many damn stretch marks.”

“You’re not helping!”

“I’m just saying, these things, every new mother goes through them. We all felt that fear at some point. But you’ll survive it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because we all do. It’s just what happens. The second you have that baby in your arms, you’ll love it more than anything. Sometimes you’ll hate it a little bit too. But no matter how scared and sad you get, you’ll do everything for that little kid.”

I laugh and a strange warmth settles over me. Only my mother could make me smile right now. She’s always been able to calm me down when I get overwhelmed, and I’m so insanely grateful for her right now.

And grateful for Arsen too. Thanks to him, she’s getting the best care in the world. That might give me more time with her, and every second is precious.

“And remember, honey, you’re not alone. You got that husband of yours. He’ll take care of you, right?”

“He will,” I agree, grinning to myself. “He’s kind of crazy, you know.”

“But crazy for you and that baby. I can see it, you know.”

“You think so?”

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