Page 48 of Hooked

Outside of sex, she’s afraid to ask for what she wants. It’s not an easy habit to deal with.

“What next?” Her voice is soft, small. In that moment I realize how small she actually is, tucked up against me.

I don’t know if I can do this.

I don’t know if I can be the man she needs. Someone romantic, always open and warm. Reassuring.

I don’t know if I can convince her that, even when I’m distant, it’s not because she’s not enough.

And I will be distant sometimes. Maybe a lot of the time. I’m damaged goods, and always will be.

She can’t fix that with her sunshine.

What if we date, and then break up? What will that look like? Will that be something else she blames herself for? Something she replays over and over again, trying to pinpoint her mistakes?

It’s a lot of pressure.

Pressure I don’t think I can handle.

I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want to make it worse by stringing her along if it’s not going to work out.

It’s not going to work out, is it?

When has it ever worked out for me?

“Go to sleep,” I whisper, kissing her forehead. “That’s what’s next. It’s been a long day.”

It’s a cop-out, but she won’t push it, and I’m ashamed that I know that. If she pushes me too much, she knows I’ll shut her out too.

Right now, I just want to have this, without complications, one last time. I feel her body relax against mine as she falls back to sleep. I press my face into her hair as sleep finds me too.

17

Sia

I’m alone when I wake up. I’d hoped Vinny would still be here, and that we could spend the morning in bed together. Instead my clothes from last night are neatly folded on his dresser, next to what looks like my workout clothes? Did he get those from my uncle’s house?

Stretching, I feel delightfully sore from the incredible sex we’d had. I need a shower, badly. Vinny’s fish watches as I throw on my yoga pants and top, and it’s super weird. It’s past noon, and I sneak back into my uncle’s house, once again feeling like a naughty teenager.

After my shower, I toss my dirty clothes into a laundry basket, get dressed, and head downstairs. I go to the ballroom to assess the damage.

You can imagine my surprise when I find it clean and set up exactly like it had been before the party.

“He was here early cleaning up,” my uncle says. Does everyone sneak around here? Christ. “Said he had some errands to run before everything shut down.”

“Oh, shoot. Can I borrow your car?” I’d forgotten about the food order for Christmas dinner and what I’d bought to replace the stock Vinny lost to the power outage.

“Sure, honey,” he says. “Let me find my keys.”

He offers to come with me, but I’d rather go alone. Vinny’s disappearance has thrown me off a little and receiving all the food for the Christmas dinner that’s been seriously downsized since I made the order will be tough to bear, especially if I have to hold it together so I don’t upset my uncle.

Maybe I don’t need to hold it together, but when I’d asked Vinny about next steps last night, he’d dodged my question, leaving me unbalanced. What exactly do I want from him, anyway?

I don’t know the specifics of his life, but I feel like he’s someone who could see me. Who could be honest with me, even about the hard things. Vinny is someone who understands that life can change on a dime.

But can he let himself appreciate that change can be good, too?

The young clerks at the grocery store are lovely and help pile all the food in the back of my uncle’s SUV.

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