Page 53 of Hooked

“It’s only because of Sia that I’m stopping,”he’d said, his voice icy.

He was under the impression that it would hurt her if he beat me to death.

I wish I could disagree with him. It’d be easier to deal with her anger than her disappointment.

I finish cleaning the blood off my face. Kieran split my lip, and I’m going to get one hell of a black eye. Maybe two.

At least my nose isn’t broken this time.

“The only reason I’m not telling my family what you said is because it’ll make it harder for her, Vinny. But you either make it up to her, or you get the fuck out of here.”

How could I make it up to her? How the hell could I take back something so horrible?

Leaving is probably better for both of us.

I climb upstairs to my room and sit on my bed, watching Taco swim around.

“Where do you want to go, buddy?” I ask. “Maybe to some remote island off the coast of Georgia? An old mining town in Colorado? Or how about Alaska? Live off the grid?”

He doesn’t respond.

The loneliness of my life suddenly crashes over me, and I feel like I’m going to vomit. Why did Sia have to come into my life? Why did she have to remind me of that sad sack kid I was, desperate for any kind of affection?

And why, when I had an actual chance at it, did I ruin everything?

Gripped by raw, empty pain, I stumble to the bathroom and dry heave into the toilet. I’ve spent years avoiding this exact feeling by shutting people out.

That first morning with Sia, I’d made up my mind that she was a silly, materialistic brat, and I couldn’t wait to be rid of her.

But I was wrong. She’s a complex, thoughtful woman who’s been hurt too, but she keeps taking chances because she’s a hell of a lot braver than I am.

And I’ve lost her. And Kieran. And God knows how many other relationships because I let fear dictate my actions.

My stomach clenches as I ease back from the toilet. It’s cliché, but I stand in front of the mirror, take in my busted face, and think about what I wanted when I was a kid.

I wanted a family. I wanted to be seen and loved for who I was.

That’s all Sia wants too.

That’s what I want to give her.

I want us to have that. Together. We’ve both developed defenses that aren’t serving us anymore. We’re both hemmed in by our pasts.

But what do I do now?

I touch my jaw and watch myself wince in the mirror. It hurts. But ignoring the pain doesn’t make it go away. Sia’s right about that too.

You have to face it, treat it, deal with it.

I head downstairs to get some ice from the freezer. I’d cleaned out the spoiled food but left the water in the ice cube trays to refreeze.

I pull the door open, shivering as a blast of cold air hits me.

Wait.

Where did all that food come from?

I open the fridge door too and stare at the contents while the cold air pours out into my kitchen.

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