Page 63 of Rake

“I never wanted to be like him,” Finn muses, “but it’s exactly what happened. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to feel ashamed.”

“What’s next, then?” I ask, looking up at him.

The tenderness in his eyes frightens me. I don’t know what to do with that information. I don’t know if I can forgive him. I don’t want to hurt him further, but I need more time to process all this.

He gives my shoulders a squeeze and tells me about his plan to divest his father from his properties.

“Finn, unionizing won’t bankrupt the casino. If your father manages to not fuck up other operations, it won’t impact his ability to pay off those loans.”

He nods. “I know. I was foolish to buy into his narrative. It’s funny—I hate him as much as he hates me. Maybe more. But there’s still a part of me that believes all the things he says.”

“I believe what my father says about me too, sometimes.”

He scowls. “I hate how he treats you.”

I feel his anger toward my father more than I hear it.

“If you ever want me to intervene I will,” he says.

Oh god, no.

“He’ll be the means to his own end,” I say softly. “He doesn’t need anyone else to intervene.”

Finn fixes me with those blue-black eyes.

“He doesn’t deserve you.” He looks back over the Mystic. “And neither do I. I know it’ll be disruptive for your brother, but after the election we should move him to a safer place. Out of town.” His breath catches. “And you too, Sasha. I don’t want to tip him off yet—he’ll lash out against the staff and I know you don’t want that. But after the election, if things go well, they’ll have protection and if they don’t go well, my brother and I can convince him it’s bad for business to hurt you, and his pride will be assuaged enough by your defeat to let it go.”

I have some other ideas, but I don’t need to share them. Not yet.

“It’d be a shame to waste a perfectly good Saturday,” I say. “Do you want to take a longer walk?”

He strokes my hair gently.

“I’d love that.”

18

Finn

Iexpected to feel like shit after revealing that terrible story to Sasha, but I should’ve known better. Even after everything she’s been through, after everything I’d put her through, she extended her gentle kindness even to me.

Even though I’m far from deserving.

And I’ll do whatever it takes to protect her from my father.

She lets me hold her hand as we walk along the river. It’s honestly not a place I’ve explored very much, and I’m happy to follow her wherever she wants to go. She takes us to a little park behind a shopping center. It’s a marshland that acts as drainage for the river, and I bet it’s beautiful in the spring.

Or it will be when we clean up the river.

“Was your father always like that?” I ask. “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”

“He’s been like this since I’ve known him,” she says. “My mother said he changed after his injury. He didn’t want to do anything other than play hockey. He couldn’t let go of that identity and just got more bitter as the years went on. I think he was devastated when my mother died but didn’t see his part in it at all.”

“That’d be a hard thing to face,” I say.

“Yeah. I don’t expect him to change for the better, but sometimes I wish he’d at least recognize what a good kid Benjamin is.”

“He is a good kid,” I say. “And you’re a wonderful woman. I’d say he should be proud except he doesn’t deserve any credit for the person you are.”

---