Page 58 of Rake

She’s never been impressed with me, less so since she started dating Kieran Doyle.

“Finn. Is everything okay?”

I never call her. We don’t talk, not like that. And I was such an asshole to her about Kieran, smug just like our fucking father, thinking I knew everything about her, about Kieran, about their relationship.

I don’t know a goddamn thing about people loving each other.

“I need your help.”

She sighs quietly and then says, “Is it about the woman? The one Bridget told me you took to the gala?”

“Good news travels fast,” I drawl.

“You have to admit that it’s unusual for you to take a date to a family event. We haven’t met most of your lady friends.”

“I know.” I swallow the sharp comments I want to make. I’m angry, and Siobhan doesn’t deserve to be the recipient of that. “I like her. But I fucked up.”

I can’t believe I’m saying it. Least of all to Siobhan.

But I tell her what happened anyway, all the grisly details.

“How could Dad do something like that? And how could he ask you to hurt that poor girl or her brother again?”

Jesus. To have access to that sort of belief in our father, still. What’s that like?

“You have to know that the family business involves collateral damage, Siobhan. I know you’re cut out of a lot of it, but you’re no fool.”

Still, she and my father have always had a decent relationship since she gave him what he wanted; she’s a talented, professional musician who elevates the family name and hides some of the uglier things he does.

Who could believe that world-class violinist Siobhan Carney’s father is a criminal?

“Do you want me to talk to him?” she asks.

“No. You’ll just be another target and I don’t want that for you.”

“Finn, you don’t have to take this all on yourself.”

“It won’t change anything,” I insist. “I can handle what Dad throws at me. I just don’t know what to do about Sasha.”

“Have you apologized to her?”

“How?” I snap. “How the hell do you apologize for something like that? You know how much I love language, but I don’t know what the fuck I should say. I don’t know how to make it better.”

“It’s not about making it better,” she says. “It’s not about getting her to forgive you. It’s about admitting you were wrong and acknowledging the damage you did to her. It’s about finding ways to address the fallout so things don’t get worse. She gets to set all the terms, Finn. She gets to set up all the boundaries, and you have to respect them, no matter what.”

Even if she never wants to see me again.

I’ll tell her the truth, then. All of it. Even the part I’ve never told anyone.

“And don’t just show up at her house,” Siobhan adds quickly.

Damn. She knows me better than I’d like to admit.

“Let her pick when and where, if she wants to meet you.”

“Thank you,” I say. “I appreciate this. I know I haven’t been supportive of you.”

She laughs. “That’s an understatement. But Finn? I know what it must’ve taken for you to call me and ask for advice. I’m proud of you.”

---