Page 12 of Madd Love

Hell, I can’t even hate him. He does a lot of good. I noticed that when I stalked him on social media like the lovesick, crazy moron that I am. Donates to charity, volunteers. Hell, he is who she should pick. He would definitely be home for dinner with her every night. Just picturing him coming in the door and kissing my girl makes me mad. But he leads that nine-to-five life where I burn the midnight oil. Loving a rock n’ roller isn’t easy, but it happens, right? Look at Glory and Beck. They make it work and make it seem effortless.

Why can’t Jen and me?

“So, are you going to sit out here and look at pictures of your girl and wish you had done something different, or are you going to go get her?”

I stop on this one picture of Jen. She’s wearing her chef’s uniform. I love to see her in that damn thing. She looks fucking beautiful. She was headed to a catering event and made me a little cake and dropped it off for my birthday. Fuck, I am so stupid. This woman had been showing me this entire time that she was interested in more than sex, and I was just too dumb to take the hint.

“Don’t miss your chance like I did, Madd. You’ll regret it.”

I don’t fucking plan on it!

NINE

Jen

I can’t believe this is happening right now. I look down at the little plastic test and read over the instructions one more time. I’m not sure why I’m reading them; it’s not like I don’t know how this works. Every woman on the planet over a certain age understands how to pee on a stick and wait for results. I’m praying that my nerves cause my missed period, not a little Maddox Case taking up residence inside my body.

God help us all; that’s all the world needs is another Maddox.

On my way to work this morning, I stopped at the drugstore and grabbed three different types of tests. We’ll see what happens, I suppose. I tuck the box away underneath the cabinet in the employee restroom. I look at myself in the mirror. I do look tired, more so than usual, but I knew once I got sick last night at the restaurant and had to go home. I knew I would need to take a test. I don’t know what I’ll do if this is positive. The bakery is growing like crazy, and our event catering is growing by leaps and bounds. Mine and Ev’s business is my baby, and I am okay with that for the moment. But if I’m pregnant, I’ll dealwith it. I grab the tests and head for the bathroom, and one by one; I take all of them.

When I reemerge, I lay them out on a line of paper towels before looking at my watch and setting a timer for a few minutes, when I will be able to see the results. This may be the longest few minutes of my life.

My mind wanders, and I wonder what type of mom I will be. I hope I am the kind that the people who love me can be proud of, that my baby will be proud of. I look at my watch, and only moments remain. I shake my hands out and bounce on the balls of my feet.

“It will be what it is meant to be.” No amount of bartering for either side will matter. Fate, destiny, will win. This is cosmic, kismet if you will. “Jesus, nobody tells you this is the moment you really could use a drink.” I laugh at my joke and swipe an errant tear from my eye. “This is crazy!”

The timer alarm on my phone sounds, alerting me that the fate of my future lies on a piece of cheap paper towel in the bathroom of my bakery.

“Okay, Jen. This is it.” I inhale and exhale, step up to the counter, and look down. A gasp escapes me; my hand flies to my mouth. “Shit.”

A knock sounds at the door, scaring the hell out of me.

“Jen, let me in.” Shit, it’s Evelyn.

I stand frozen in place. Not one, not two, but three home pregnancy tests all exclaim in bold facts that I am indeed pregnant.

“Fuck.” I look at the first, and it clearly saysPREGNANT.The second has dark, double, pink lines and, according to the instructions, meansPREGNANT.The third has two viewing windows and two bold blue lines that confirm I am indeedPREGNANT.

I can’t believe it. Tears leak from my eyes. I feel everything. Happy, sad, scared, and mad at myself for the ill timing, but at the end of the day, I am going to be a mom. And Jesus, Maddox will be the dad. How will he handle this news? How will this change his life? Will he be interested in being involved? It doesn’t matter.

I place my hand on my stomach. “I love you,” I whisper into the void of the bathroom, hoping this little soul will understand how loved they already are.

“I am about to call the fire department and knock this door down, Jen. Let me in.”

I totally forgot she was out there. I laugh and open the door. Evelyn takes one look at me, and she looks at my hand, still placed protectively over my stomach. Then she looks behind me to the tests lying in a row. Those little, tiny pieces of plastic just changed my life and Maddox’s life as well.

“Holy shit! I’m going to be a tia?” Evelyn steps into the bathroom and wraps me in her arms.

We hug each other, so close tears continue to leak from my eyes. This is what friendship is; this is what our friendship is. These girls are my world, and I feel terrible for keeping this secret.

“Are we happy or sad or scared?”

I laugh and answer, “All of the above, I think.”

“Who is the dad, Jen? Do you want to tell me?” Evelyn lets me go, but she grasps my hands in hers and gives them a gentle squeeze.

“You already know, don’t you?” She has to, especially after he came to the bakery the other morning.

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