Page 27 of Saving You

It didn’t matter how much he loved her or how much she was his. There would be pieces missing for her—an ache he couldn’t soothe. A void he couldn’t fill. He could only hope that she trusted him enough as she got older to be there for her when she started dealing with it on her own.

And that was only part of it. There were nights he still woke up after nightmares about a state agent taking her away. He still felt the echo of stress as he’d waited for the adoption to be approved. And every now and again—when it was very dark and very quiet—he wondered if one day her mother would come looking for her to ask for her back.

“Hey, sorry,” Oz said. He was clearly reading the look on Ridge’s face.

“No, no, it’s fine. It was…difficult back then. Her birth was traumatic, and her mom was just a kid. She did what she had todo, and Ina is more loved than I ever was when I was her age, so I guess that’s something, right?”

Oz swallowed thickly. “I had no idea. I mean, I knew she was adopted, but I didn’t realize?—”

“It’s fine,” Ridge insisted.

“Does she know?”

Ridge laughed. “Sort of. Her therapist and I came up with a story about her getting put into a basket at the fire house to wait for her adoptive dad to come and find her. A little hint of magic with some realism in it. She said it would help her process everything a little better until she’s older and able to comprehend what actually happened.”

“Does she understand? Verbally, I mean.”

“Oh,” Ridge snorted, “no. The story’s in ASL.” He lifted his hands and repeated the first part, ‘Once there was a man who found a very special little baby to take care of.’ He shrugged. “Her therapist is Deaf.”

Oz’s brows flew up. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, it didn’t make sense to send her to a hearing one, right?”

Oz’s face went on a whole journey that Ridge couldn’t quite follow, but it ended in him looking upset. “I never thought about it. And it’s my fault for never asking.”

“Hey, that’s okay. I mean, we weren’t close. And I get why you weren’t interested in being friends with me?—”

“No,” Oz interrupted loudly. He cleared his throat and shook his head. “It’s hard for me to open up. I tend to assume everyone’s like my parents. I figured since you had her implanted, you were doing the whole Deaf mentor thing for show. I mean, it’s obvious she signs at home. She’s not behind in her language acquisition, but…I don’t know. I guess I didn’t understand why you’d have the surgery if she was going to live a Deaf life.”

“Someone told me it was better. That she’d have the option to choose how she goes through life, and if we started when she was older, it would be harder for her,” Ridge said before Oz could speak. “I had no idea what to do back then. I thought, maybe she’ll resent me for waiting until she’s older. But she could just as easily resent me for having this done before she was old enough to choose for herself. In any other case, I would have waited. I don’t know why I was a dipshit about this one thing.”

Oz laughed and rolled his eyes. “You’re being a little hard on yourself. You had to go through the system to adopt her, I’m assuming?—”

‘Yes,’ Ridge signed.

“And during all that chaos—because I know it’s chaos—you learned she was Deaf. So you took the time to start learning her language for yourself. And I’m going to also assume you had no one to go to for advice.”

“Just her audiologist,” Ridge admitted.

Oz pulled a face and nodded. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think she’ll resent you for choosing to have her implanted as a baby. I resent my parents for these”—he tapped his processor on the right—“because they used it as a reason to never let me be Deaf. They never learned ASL, even when it took me a really long time to adapt to speech and hearing. Like, so long the doctors thought my case was a failure. But my parents were so embarrassed about using sign language that they refused to give up on speech therapy, and eventually, I just…adapted. If they’d given me access to both worlds—if they’d let me feel like a whole and complete person whether I was choosing to hear or not, I wouldn’t be so angry at them all the time.”

Ridge desperately wanted to hug him, but he wasn’t sure if that was welcome. His chest felt like it was cracking in two andhe wanted to do something—anything—to help this man. Even if it meant risking his own heart.

“Let me be your boyfriend.”

“Uh…”

“I mean your fake boyfriend,” Ridge said quickly, afraid he’d given himself away. “I know you’re straight?—”

“I’m not.”

Ridge blinked. “Oh. Uh…”

Oz bit his lip, then raised his hands. ‘I really am bisexual. That wasn’t a lie. I’ve never told anyone before, but I’ve known that about myself for a while. I don’t know if a straight man would kiss another man the way I kissed you.’

Ridge felt his whole body heat. Shit. Everything he thought he knew about Oz had just turned upside down and inside out. He was bi. He was bi. He liked men. Which meant in the perfect world, Ridge had a chance.

He was too afraid to give himself hope, but he also couldn’t help a tiny spark flaring to life behind his ribs. Oz was right about the kiss. It had been chaste, full of chaos and anger, but it had also been very good. And God what he’d give to be allowed to do that again.

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