Page 43 of Saving You

Peh-peh. Myles’s grin had softened into something sweeter, almost indulgent, which terrified Oz because this was all fake. He did not need his hopes up that this was something real or ever would be.

‘He’s happy to play along with me. He didn’t like what my parents did.’ And he wanted to fool around and let Oz experience what it was like to be with a guy without strings attached. Which was what he wanted.

Right?

Yes. Definitely.

‘It sounds like the best of a shitty situation,’ Myles eventually said.

Oz couldn’t really argue there, except it didn’t feel that way. It felt like he’d taken the best of a shitty situation and fucked it all up by being desperate and horny. But as much as he was in a sharing mood, he wasn’t going to tell Myles that.

‘Thanks for letting me come out.’

‘Thank you for trusting me,’ Myles said. He leaned forward, then pulled back. ‘Hug?’

Oz laughed, then let himself lean into Myles’s arms. A few seconds later, another set of arms wrapped around them, and he looked up to see Anish joining.

‘Sorry, I saw everything,’ Anish signed with one hand. ‘I love group hugs.’

Oz laughed harder and nodded, and Anish wrapped both of them tightly in his beefy arms. It reminded him a little of Ridge. Okay, it reminded him a lot of Ridge, and it made the hollow ache for something he couldn’t have feel even deeper. He really had screwed it all up, and after tomorrow, there would be no going back.

If only he had the strength to say no.

In spite of the fact that he hadn’t been drinking at all, Oz felt hungover the next day. His stomach was rolling, and his muscles were aching from all the tension he was holding in his body. He spent a long time soaking in an Epsom salt bath, and then he went for a walk on the treadmill at his complex gym.

When that didn’t help, he wrapped up tightly in a weighted blanket and tried to force himself to take a nap, but every time his eyes closed, he saw Ridge. He felt him. Tasted him. Smelled him.

Eventually, he plopped down in front of his Xbox and got lost in his game for a while, which did take the edge off. At least, until the light on his phone flashed with a text from Ridge.

Ridge: OMW. You good for me to come over?

Say no. Just say no. Say there’s been a change of plans. Don’t do this to yourself.

Oz: I’m all good.

You’re a dipshit, he told himself as he flung his phone across the room. It hit a pile of sweaters that were waiting for the wash, and he flopped down onto the floor, gaze fixed sightlessly on his ceiling fan.

Why did he do this to himself? Did he really hate himself that much?

He knew the issue wasn’t whether or not it would be good. Of course it would be good. It would be amazing, in fact. He had no doubt that Ridge would turn his world upside down and inside out.

But he’d never recover. He’d never get over this godforsaken crush, and it was obvious Ridge wasn’t interested in more than a little fun.

He let himself wallow for another three minutes before realizing what Ridge had said. He was on his way. He was on his way, and Oz said it was all good, but it was not good because he wasn’t ready. He was wearing his T-shirt with spaghetti stains and his worst pair of sweats. His hair was all over the place, and he hadn’t shaved, and oh God, had he even brushed his teeth?

He scrambled to his feet, but before he could make a mad dash for the bathroom, the lights flickered. Holy fucking shit. Had the man texted him from the parking lot?

Oz began shaking all over, and he forced himself to take several breaths until his heart no longer felt like it was trying to beat out of his chest. He had two options: let Ridge stand outside for however long it took to get ready or let Ridge see him like this.

Both had a greater than zero chance of chasing Ridge off—which was maybe what he wanted? Maybe not. He had no idea. His brain was made of cotton fuzz and caffeine—thick but going a thousand miles an hour.

The lights flashed again. He had to do something.

His body apparently decided for him because he became aware that he’d moved right as he was reaching for the door. He tried for a smile that felt like a grimace, and he immediately saw the shift in Ridge’s face the moment it came into view.

‘Is this a bad time?’ Ridge asked.

It would always be a bad time, but Oz wasn’t going to tell him that. ‘I had a panic attack and forgot to get ready.’ Oh my God, why did he say that?

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