Page 37 of Our Little Wedding

Doctor Pines looked at me, a sullen look on her face. “I’m afraid not, Spencer. She lost the baby,” she whispered.

My chest hurt as what Doctor Pines said registered in my mind. I looked through the doorway at the love of my life lying in the bed all alone. My thoughts drifted back to when she told me about the baby, how scared she was at how I’d react and howsurprised she was when I didn’t blow up. Then the complete look of excitement and happiness on her face.

“What happened? Do you think stress caused this?” I questioned.

“Most likely a chromosomal abnormality. I’ve seen this many times, and I have sent some tissue for testing to see if that is indeed the reason. Elevated cortisol can speed up the inevitable, but stress is not the cause, Spencer. While stress isn’t good for her, or anyone for that fact, this is quite common to happen. About eighty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage this early on.”

I grew quiet as I watched Ainsley. “Will we ever be able to have children?” I asked.

“Yes, of course. She is perfectly healthy. I am going to set up an appointment for you guys to come in and speak with me at my office once the test results are back. I am not sure how Ainsley is going to take this. She knows, of course, but it’s too early to tell how it may affect her psychologically. However, there is also a slight chance she won’t be affected at all. Either way we can set her up with some therapy.”

I nodded, still watching her through the window. I wanted to hold her, to make everything okay for her, but I knew that was impossible. This wasn’t something I could put into a spreadsheet, tweak and fix.

“Go be with her. She has been asking for you since she woke,” Doctor Pines said, placing her hand on my back. “I am truly sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

I stepped into her room, listening to the gentle beeping of her heart rate monitor. I made my way around the bed and gently took her hand in mine. I bent down and brushed her hair from her forehead and kissed her. She didn’t move. I had just sat down in the chair beside her bed when a nurse came inand swapped out the almost empty IV bag, adjusted a couple of things on one machine and printed a report from another. She said nothing. She just gave me a nod and quietly left the room.

I brought Ainsley’s hand to my lips and kissed the back of it, and she let out a small moan and slowly opened her eyes, blinking fast. She looked over at me. “Where are we?” she questioned, looking around the room.

“At the hospital, baby girl,” I replied. “In your room.”

It was then that her eyes filled with tears, and the once gentle beeping of the heart rate monitor got faster and a little louder. “Spencer, I’m so sorry, I lost the baby.”

I wiped the tears that slid down her cheek and placed a kiss on her forehead. “I know,” I said, swallowing hard. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

She tried to move closer to me but she couldn’t, so I lowered the rail on the side of her bed. She was over far enough that I could lie beside her, so I carefully climbed onto the bed, sliding my arm under her and wrapping myself around her.

I’d just gotten comfortable when the door opened, and a nurse stepped inside. “Everything okay in here?” she asked, silencing the alarm on Ainsley’s heart monitor.

I nodded, holding Ainsley tight against me. That was when I noticed that people from the hallway could see into the room. I didn’t want them staring, watching us, as we shared this private moment together. “Nurse, could you please pull the curtain closed give us a little privacy?”

“Certainly, sir,” she said, pulling the curtain over the glass window. “If you need anything, just hit the call button, okay,” she said before leaving the room.

As soon as the nurse was gone, Ainsley shifted onto her side and wrapped her arm around me, burying herself in my chest. A guttural sob escaped her. Once again there was nothing I coulddo but hold her tight, allowing her to cry, to grieve for what we’d just lost.

A few hours had gone by. Ainsley was now sound asleep on her back. I slipped from the hospital bed and headed down the hall. I’d forgotten that Carly, Jon, and Jane were still there. I rounded the corner in time to see the three of them look up.

“How is she?” Carly asked immediately. “How is the baby?”

I looked at them, feeling empty. “She is okay. She, um…” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, “She lost the baby,” I muttered. It was the first time I’d said those words. I’d heard them, I’d thought about them, a lot, but this was the first time I’d actually said them.

Carly covered her mouth as tears ran down her cheeks. Jane grabbed her and wrapped her arms around her, and she grabbed Jon’s hand.

I stood there, watching as each one of them consoled the other, wishing that there was someone to console me. I turned around, sitting down on a chair away from them all. I buried my face in my hands as I listened to Carly cry. Jane was doing her best to calm her down.

I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a breath, and that was when I felt a firm hand on my shoulder. I sat there for a moment before looking up to see Jon staring down at me.

“I was wrong.”

When I said nothing, he came around and sat down.

“I was wrong about you. About how you feel about her. I see it now.”

It was wrong that it had taken this to get him to see my feelings for her. To lose a life in order for him to realize that I really, truly loved his daughter. I didn’t have words. I wanted to shout at him but knew it would do no good. We’d all lost something here. It wasn’t just Ainsley’s and my loss; it was also Carly’s, Jane’s and Jon’s.

It would take all of us time to heal. Heal from this, heal from the words that had been spoken. It would take us time to rebuild our relationships with one another. Everything now hinged on time.

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