Page 94 of Under Pressure

Gramps’ nodded. “I don’t disagree, I guess I just wonder why you always felt a need to put everyone before yourself. And don’t say it was because of when Nonna broke her hip. That wasn’t your fault, son. I left her alone. I was the one who thought she’d be okay. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”

Sean shook his head. The Clayton men were certainly great at taking blame that didn’t belong to them. “Honestly, Gramps, I like helping people. I always have. It’s part of the reason joining the service was so good for me.” That and he got to spend a lot of time in the water and work out life’s frustration through sheer physicality. “It taught me to hone those skills and use them to the best of my ability.”

“And now you’re out, and back to taking care of everyone but yourself?”

Right. Sometimes in moments like these, Sean forgot he was supposed to be aretiredSEAL. That’d just been easier than trying to explain why they were never being called back to duty. No one knew how long this mission would last.

“I’m worried about you, Sean. I see you holding yourself back, and I . . .” Gramps’s voice warbled, and Sean’s eyes about popped out of his head. “Since your grandma died, I’ve been pushing back my emotions. That’s how I was trained. But I’ve seen, in the last few days, that holding those feelings in has made me do some completely insane things.”

“Like spying on Jonah?” Sean asked.

“Without a plan! What was I thinking? Amelia would not have been pleased with me getting thrown in jail.” Gramps shook his head. “I’m not good at grieving. Never have been. But if I’d allowed myself to, who knows, maybe I would’ve seen that you needed someone looking after you. Maybe I would’ve been there when you needed me instead of locked in a jail cell.”

Sean grabbed Grandpa’s hand. “Gramps, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. You have been there for me.”

Grandpa swatted away the compliment. “If I am strong at all, I owe it to your grandma. She was the one that always held our family together. Me together.”

“I wish I could find a love like that,” Sean said.

Gramps leaned forward. “You can. With Blue.”

Sean let out a long breath. “Well, witness protection and a court martial say otherwise.” The Navy did not look kindly on soldiers going AWOL.

“Losing your grandma was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life,” Gramps said, his brown eyes welling with tears, and when he spoke again, his voice broke. “I lost my best friend.” Grandpa let out a sob, then quickly pulled himself together as he wiped at his eyes.

Sean squeezed Gramps’ hand that he had yet to let go, his own throat lumping over. In a way, Sean understood what Gramps was going through.

“Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life,” Gramps reiterated, covering Sean’s hand with his free one. “But I’d do it all over again. Go through all this again. That’s how you know it’s true love. It’s killing me seeing you go through what I am because you think it can’t work out.” He made a sweeping gesture with his hand. “But all those reasons keeping you apart, they can be worked out, son. For the right person, they can be worked out. Life is a lot harder without them than trying to figure it out is.”

Sean’s heart squeezed in his chest.

Gramps stood, opened the box, and pulled out a letter, setting it on the desk, then he placed Nonna’s picture on top of that. “All we’ve ever wanted for you boys is to be happy.”

Sean looked up at Gramps’ glistening dark brown eyes.

“So, tell me, son, is it true love, or isn’t it?” he asked.

It was. Always had been.

Gramps kissed him on the head, and walked out of the office with the box of letters under his arm, whistling. He even seemed to have a bit of a spring in his step that hadn’t been there before. It was like this conversation had taken a load off his shoulders. Briefly, Sean wondered what that would feel like.

As soon as Gramps was out of sight, Sean grabbed the letter opener on his desk, gripped the smooth steel in his hand, and opened Nonna’s letter. Her handwriting was large, looping letters, that just looked happy. It made him smile to think of her sitting at the table, with a smile on her face, writing this out.

Dearest Sean,

If ever there was a grandson to be proud of, it’s you. From the day your parents brought you home, I thought you were amazing, and as you got older, you got better and better. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re dedicated, you care more about others than you do yourself, and have a wicked sense of humor—that came from my side of the family. :) I’ve always been impressed with your service-oriented attitude. But I’ve always been worried about it too.

You’re more than just what you can do for others. I want you to live a life. To get dirty, get in trouble, break a rule or too, and have something all for yourself. I want you to be selfish in love. Because loving the right person makes a life worth living—makes all the difference in the world. It did for me. Your grandpa saved me in ways you’ll never know. He helped mebecome the person I am, and I did the same for him. And I want that for you. For you to reach the full potential of who you can become. Judging on who you are now, that man will be a fearsome thing to behold.

Sean breathed out long and hard, feeling Nonna’s hopes for him hit like barbs of truth. He couldn’t imagine Nonna and Gramps being different people than they were now. He’d just assumed their super-human powers of being amazing were just naturally ingrained. But he totally believed that man and woman were made to complete one another—and apparently that was exactly what they’d done for each other. He kept reading.

Caring for others is a good and honest goal, but there must be more to life. God, family, laughter, loving others, and being loved in return, andthenservice. These are the things that make a life.

My life was better for having you in it, and you have so much potential for bringing the joy you brought me to others. Live life to the fullest, so that when it’s your time, you can look back with a smile.

With love forever,

Nonna Amelia

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