Page 47 of Quasim II: King Inferno

This was my second chance to prove to God that I learned my lesson and I appreciated how much he had forgiven me and was giving me that chance to hear someone call me mommy. Losing a child was never easy.

I think the one thing that was hard for me to accept was that he wouldn’t call me mommy. What would his voice sound like? Would he have been a mama’s boy or a little menace? These were questions that constantly swarmed my mental whenever I thought about my son.

It was funny because since I left the hospital after losing him, I’ve always felt like there was this piece missing inside of me. It was this intense feeling that something was ripped from me, and no matter how much time passed, it never healed.

No matter how happy I was or what was going on in life, this grief was a disease that didn’t have a cure – or so I thought.

As I sit here now, I realized I hadn’t been feeling that debilitating pain, and it was because that hole in my heart had been filled in. It would never fit the same exact spot that was snatched out of me, but it was a small reminder that I could heal. This love was a bandage, healing that part that had been bleeding for years.

“Can I lay with you?” I looked away from the lake view and saw Elijah standing there. He was in the back, playing near the lake as I sat in the swing, taking in the beautiful view and sitting in gratitude.

“Hop on up.” I held the swing still as he climbed up, and maneuvered his way over toward me, laying on my stomach. My heart swelled as he took a deep sigh and closed his eyes while I rubbed his curls. “You smell like outside.” I giggled.

“Because I am outside, Ms. Blair.”

I laughed. “You know, I do sound silly… huh?”

As a child, I remember when I used to run inside to my mom, and she would screw her face up and laugh while telling me that I smelled like outside. When I was a kid, I never understood what she meant, and I never smelled it. Now that I was an adult, I could smell the exact scent that she calledoutside.

“Are you going to marry Sim?”

“I don’t know, baby…hopefully. Why?”

He looked up at me, his soft and kind eyes latched onto mine. The world had been cruel to him, and he had still managed to remain kind. “I want to come.”

I smiled. “Well, we aren’t talking about weddings right now. When that happens, you’ll be the first person invited.”

He put his head back on me and hugged me. “Will you be my new family?”

“Do you want us to be your new family?”

He nodded his head. “I like having new cousins and aunts. Sim tucks me into bed and kisses my head. I can eat whatever I want and never get in trouble for it.”

My heart ached, hearing him mention he doesn’t get in trouble for eating. No child should ever feel that way when it came to eating. A child should have been allowed to eat to their heart’s contentment without getting in trouble for it.

“We are your new family, Eli.”

“Okay.” I continued to rub his hair as we swung on the swing, enjoying the breeze. “Will you come back after your work trip?”

“Of course, baby… I will be right back to you and Simmy.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.” I assured him.

Everything in me told me to protect this little angel. Make sure that he never feels pain or hurt again. I wanted his days to be filled with love and knowing that he was loved by us. I understood why Sim was protective of him before knowing his story.

Elijah was handed a shitty start at life, and it was our responsibility to make sure he remained safe. His own mother, that wasn’t his mother, tried to kill him in that house and we still didn’t know why. Imagine watching the person that was supposed to love you toss a cocktail into your window.

The backdoor creaked and I saw Sim coming out with scotch in his glass. He nodded his head, and I knew we were going to have that conversation with Elijah. My mouth became moist, and my heart quickened.

“Cuddling out here without me… that’s foul.”

Elijah lifted his head and smirked. “You were too slow.”

Sim took a sip of his drink. “Liquor burns my throat.”

Me and Sim both looked at each other. He remained calmer than me because my eyes were wide when he mentioned that liquor burns his throat.

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