Page 38 of Dutch

Under the hot water, I tried to wash away the memories and the guilt, but they clung to me like a second skin. I leaned my head against the cool tile as the hot water pounded my back.How long would I keep running before everything caught up to me?

I turned off the water, remembering to save hot water for Makari. I stepped into the room with a towel around my body, and Makari was so deep in the weeds that she hadn't noticed me standing there.

"What's that?" I questioned as she shut a book she was reading.

"I was just?—"

"Just what?" I asked now, really curious. I strode her way and grabbed the book, realizing it was a ledger. "When did you have time to get this?" I inquired.

She shrugged. "I went to the storage this morning after you dropped me off at the shop."

"You lied. Is that what we're doing now? Do you understand how dangerous this is?" I asked, dropping the ledger on the bed.

"Lied, you mean the way you lied about being a cop?" She crossed her arms. "I wouldn't have to do this if you'd tell me what was going on."

I ran a hand over my head. "If that ledger falls into the wrong hands, it could be a death sentence. This isn't a game." Frustration rolled over me in waves.

"Whose hands are the right hands?" Makari asked. "Because from my point of view, I can't tell who's on the up and up."

I balled my fist, and for a minute, I actually felt like hitting something. "If you can't tell that I've been the one protecting you, then I don't know what to say. This shit is deeper than you know, and I can't—" I stalled, cutting myself off and choosing my words carefully. "I can't allow you to get caught in the crossfire."

"Dutch, you're mixed up in whatever's in that ledger, aren't you? And it's tearing you apart," she demanded.

I blew out air. I was tired, and then Makari reached into her pocket, pulled out a photo, and handed it to me.

"Do you want to explain this?" she said, thrusting the photo into my hands. "You and Darian look real cozy in your dress blues."

I froze, remembering Jahlil mentioning Darian. In the police world, we went by last names, and I knew him as Hunter. "Where'd you get this? Shit. I never wanted you mixed up in all this."

"It's too late for that. And do you want to know what's worse? I knew you were an ex-cop before seeing that picture at yourmother's house. The streets talk. I just want you to talk to me, Dutch."

I was quiet as I dropped my towel. Mad or not, Makari couldn't help eyeing my dick as I grabbed a pair of drawls from the drawer and a clean tee. I sat on the bed, and she sat next to me.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Yeah, I was a cop. I thought I was going to do good and clean the drug dealers off the streets. It turned out my partner Hunter, Darian, as you know him, had other plans. He started out small, but Darian was on the take."

"What do you mean?"

"Accepting bribes or illegal income. By the time I caught wind of it, he was in deep with some nasty people. I tried to talk him out of doing it, but?—"

"What?" Makari asked, prompting me to keep going.

"I asked for another partner. He was a good kid named Vassar. Darian was pissed at me for doing that and set me up by tipping a dealer we were supposed to take down, and Vassar…" My voice cracked. "Vassar didn't make it out alive."

Makari looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't.

"I was done after that. I turned in my badge and left it all behind, except some ghosts don't stay buried."

"I'm so sorry about your partner," Makari commented.

"I can't let this nigga hurt anyone else close to me," I admitted. "Go ahead and get your shower. We should get back."

Makari nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

I pulled into the club's lot and killed the engine. After Makari slid off the back, I dismounted my bike, swinging my leg over.

I found the small of Makar's back as we walked. "Stay close," I instructed as we approached the entrance.

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