Page 22 of Love and Other Paradoxes

“You okay?” he said, his heart beating strangely.

She let him go. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just—cars are so loud here.”

He nodded sagely. “Guess you usually can’t hear them because they’re so high up.” She gave him an uncomprehending look. “Flying car joke,” he explained. “Because you’re from the future.”

She stared at him, then burst into a laugh. “You are such a goob.”

He should have been practising his serious poetic persona, but he couldn’t regret making her smile. “I thought I was a nozz.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. I haven’t decided.” She swayed closer to him, then seemed to become aware of herself. She stepped back, crossing her arms. “Did you find out anything about the award?”

“Oh. Right.” He cleared his throat. “My supervisor said the twenty-third of June’s too early for it to be something academic. But she thought there might be societies who give awards out then.”

“Societies?”

“Like, extracurricular stuff. Sports, drama, that kind of thing.” A thought struck him. “Drama might actually be a good shout. If she’s friends with Diana, maybe she’s part of the ADC crowd.”

“An actor?” She looked sceptical. “I can’t see it.”

“Still. If I spot her, I’ll text you.”

“Text me either way. I don’t want to be waiting and hoping.” Another piece of her, offered up like a clue in a treasure hunt. He suspected that if it had been him, he would have wanted to hold on to hope as long as he could. She headed across the road.

“You not going to wish me luck?” he called after her.

She turned back. “Luck isn’t enough. You have to make this work.”

In the dying light, solemn as a priestess, she was an image of frozen grief. It brought home what she had to lose: what she had already lost. In that moment, he felt the responsibility like a weight he had no power to lift. Strange, that he wanted so much to help her when he knew what she longed for was impossible.

“I will,” he promised.

Chapter Nine

He followed his future towards the ADC. His hair felt like something had nested in it, and the trench coat lay heavy across his shoulders. He shrugged, trying to get comfortable in the new self he was wearing. Strange, how he could feel so certain about the future, and so terrified about the next half hour. He and Diana were destined to be together: whatever Esi said, he still believed that. But any number of disasters might stand between them and happiness. And it wasn’t as if he could just wait them out. He had to keep trying, hoping each time that this would be the turning point. It was like Dr. Lewis had said. Determinism was nice in theory, but it didn’t actually save you any work.

He pushed through the glass doors into the lobby. His vision of Diana sitting onstage had been a fantasy: signs informed him that the meeting was upstairs in the bar. As he entered, a man in a velvet blazer was talking about how the potential collected in the room could power a thousand nuclear reactors, or something equally unscientific that would have made Rob cry. Joe looked around for Diana.Soon, he would see her, said the narrator in his head,gleaming through the crowd like an emerald amongst the—

He couldn’t find her. He searched again, lingering on every dark-haired woman. Finally, he saw her at the bar, severe in ablack turtleneck, hair pulled up into a bun. He was disturbed that he hadn’t recognised her. Surely her soul should have called out to his, regardless of how differently she was dressed? That thought lasted until he touched his goop-covered hair and remembered he was effectively wearing a costume.

He wiped his hand discreetly on his jeans and turned to his secondary objective, to look for Esi’s mum. That was easier: he ascertained at a glance that everyone in the room was white. He usually wouldn’t have noticed; now, he couldn’t unsee it. His feeling of accomplishment took on a sour aftertaste, like spoiled wine.

As the velvet-blazered man started introducing the actors, Joe texted Esi.

She’s not here. I’m sorry.

A few seconds later, her replies came through.

that’s ok

knew it wouldn’t be that easy

He flipped his phone closed as the man in the velvet jacket finished his introductions. “Poets, you should already know who you’ve been paired with.” He clapped his hands. “Tomorrow begins today!”

Joe took a deep breath and walked towards Diana.

She was scanning the room, looking for the person his words had made her imagine. When their eyes met, he tried to feel the weight of the moment, but he was too busy panicking that she would recognise him. She took him in, a roving, interestedglance. She didn’t gasp, or flee in terror. Esi’s magic had worked. He thanked her wordlessly for giving him the second chance to make a first impression.

“So,” Diana drawled, putting out her hand. “Joseph Greene. The genius behind ‘A Taste of Stars.’”

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