Page 54 of Love and Other Paradoxes

porters didn’t stop her

must be her college

Diana was reaching the end of the first verse. Surreptitiously, he texted back:

Can’t be. Diana would’ve recognised her.

He turned the phone over in his hand, waiting for her to reply. Midway through the second verse, Diana paused. “That ambiguity again. ‘Igniting what is to come.’”

“Mm,” he said. “Interesting.” His phone buzzed again.

Unless she was lying

When would she get over that idea? He was typing a reply when another message came through.

Can we just check?

Diana tapped the windowsill. “Did you mean setting it going, or burning it all down?”

He stared at his phone. Raw, hurt replies ran through his mind.Thought you didn’t want to see me anymore. Oh, so now you need me?But she was asking for his help, and he couldn’t imagine a world where he would refuse her.

Course, he typed.Meet me outside the Great Gate at 5:30. I’ll do a Vera sweep before.

“Joseph!”

He looked up, guilty. “Yes?”

“Igniting.” She was glaring at him. “Initiating? Destroying?”

He shrugged. “Both.”

“I know it’s both,” she snapped. “That’s what ambiguity is. I want to know what you meant by the ambiguity.”

To give himself time to think, he gazed poetically out of the window. An image flashed into his mind: his own brooding face, a quotation inscribed below. “If I knew what I meant,” he said, “I wouldn’t need to write poetry.”

She rolled her eyes. “Very profound. Give it a few years, they’ll be printing that on T-shirts.”

“Mugs, actually.” His phone vibrated. He looked down, heart in his throat.

Ok

When he looked up, Diana was watching him. “What did she say?”

He was about to correct her misapprehension when he realised that something in her manner had changed: she wasn’t angry anymore. She was intrigued. The idea that he might be interested in someone else actually made him more appealing to her.

He tucked the phone into his pocket, a dull ache spreading through his chest. “She said yes.”

He waited for Esi outside the Great Gate. She was late, and that made him worry that she’d changed her mind, that she’d decided to do this alone. He shifted from foot to foot under the skeletal trees, his breath smoking in the chill. By the time he saw her hurrying towards him, her shoulders hunched, her head downcast, it was nearly six and he was freezing. “I said five thirty,” he pointed out.

She looked over her shoulder. “I’ve been watching you for the last half hour. I had to be sure Vera’s not tailing you.”

He bristled. “I told you I was going to do that.”

“Yeah, and I decided to double-check. The stakes are higher for me than they are for you.” She avoided his eyes, heading for the Great Gate. “Let’s get this done.”

He could hear her humming her nervous tune as they entered the Porters’ Lodge. He checked theEs: a single column of names, interspersed by a couple of dropout blanks. Esi cast up and down them, tender, impatient. Her face fell. “She’s not here.”

He hadn’t expected anything different. Still, he couldn’t bear the heartbreak in her eyes. “Let’s just do this. Come with me. We’ll search all the other colleges.”

---