Page 63 of Missing Marcus

“Where did Gabby spend her time? Did the military allow you to take confidential records home?” Claire pushed.

“I don’t know what she did. I assumed she watched TV or read. Sometimes she went to bed before I finished,” he said exasperated. “She always seemed to have projects going.”

“What about the confidential records? Did you take them home with you?”

He shook his head. “No. I didn’t want Gabby to stumble across anything. I kept everything locked up in here.” Knight tapped the side of his head.

“Including Gabby?”

Knight’ jaw dropped. “Of course not. She remained my priority. When I left on missions, I ensured she didn’t want for anything. She lived in a lovely home, drove a nice car, and I never complained about how she spent our money.”

“You say, ‘our money,’ yet you kept a separate account?”

“I deposited my check into our joint account. I opened a second account for savings and any essentials,” he explained.

“Did you speak with her about it? It’s not a trick question. I only ask because she’s an accountant. I assumed she handled the funds.”

“She paid the monthly bills. I only made a point of making sure she kept enough funds for her endless projects. I didn’t know she even withdrew from the savings until the court required us to complete a financial report.”

“Did you ask her what she needed?”

“By the time I discovered it, I refused to speak with her. At the meeting with the attorney, I requested the funds she withdrew be deducted from her half. I know it sounds terrible. I wanted to hurt her as she hurt me.”

“How did she injure you?” Claire made a few notes and sipped from her water.

“At the time I thought she cheated. It’s not true. I know the truth now,” he said softly.

“How did she take you accusing her of infidelity?”

The room grew quiet. “I apologized when I realized my mistake. I don’t know how to make up for it. She’s determined to proceed with the divorce and I can’t blame her.”

Claire sat up straighter. “I know about your father and your past from your sister. Do you think you focused on giving Gabby all the material needs because you didn’t want her to go without because of how your mother struggled?”

“I refused to allow her to want for anything,” he replied vehemently. “She’ll never go without as long as I can help it.”

“But in trying to avoid becoming like your father, you went to the polar opposite. You gave her everything except you,” Claire murmured.

“I’m not like my dad. He left us with nothing. He abandoned my mom when she needed him the most. She gave birth to Bryanna and he never checked on us.” His breath hitched. He didn’t know about the pregnancy, yet he kicked Gabby out without a second thought. How did his wife feel after months of watching his child grow inside of her and fearing the uncertainty of their future?

“I never thought about her point of view. I became obsessed with the mission because I needed to do whatever it took to keep her from leaving me. Then, I became the reason. I foolishly believed the mission solved all my problems. Months of seeing innocent women slaughtered, took a toll. I wanted to stop him. I missed him by mere hours. I walked villages full of murdered victims because he went on a rampage. Their eyes haunted me. Then I pictured Gabby lying there helplessly. I wanted it finished.”

“Did you complete the task?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “Then I moved here searching for peace and to forget about my wife. My heart dropped into my gut when I received the call from the hospital. I don’t know who’s after her, but when I close my eyes, I see Gabby lying on the ground bleeding. I feel the terror and the helplessness. I don’t want to lose her. Can you help me?”

Claire smiled. “I can’t promise you Gabby’s return. I can help you with sorting through all those mixed messages in your head. If you work on yourself, you might discover a way to get through to Gabby. I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. If you’re interested, we can meet twice a week. There’s a group meeting held every night of the week. You might find them helpful.”

“Do I have PTSD?” he asked.

“It’s too early for me to make a diagnosis. Don’t worry about a label. Focus on the progress,” Claire advised as she rose and went to her desk. “We can meet on Wednesday. Next week, I have Monday and Thursday open.”

“Wednesday’s our anniversary. I know she’s insistent about the divorce. I want to make a gesture, but I’m unsure how she’ll take it. What time do you have open?”

“I can meet at 0800 or 1030. I don’t know how Gabby will react. She’s experienced a lot of loss: your marriage, you, and the death of her friend.” Claire paused. “I can’t tell you what to do. Her world has crumbled and she sorely needs a friend, maybe start there.”

“I’ll take the 0800. Thank you, Claire. I knew some of this, yet I never considered what it must’ve appeared to my wife.”

“Work on yourself, Knight. You can’t give Gabby what she needs if you ignore your own mental health,” she advised.

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