Page 41 of Absolute Valor

People aren’t always who or what we think, sometime our love, trust, and respect distort the signs that are ever so clear in hindsight.

—Nishan Pashwar

“Lainie and Austin will be back this weekend.” Momma explained. It had been two weeks, two very long and miserable weeks. I was the biggest chicken shit to walk the planet as I’ve avoided Audrey as much as I could. Granted, I talked to her at work, but even that was kept to business material only. She had shown up for work, looking well rested and with the occasional new dress and shoes. Just because I was avoiding her, didn’t mean I wasn’t paying attention.

When I crawled out of bed in the hotel, my head pounding like a goddamn jackhammer, I had twenty messages on my phone. All were some sort of threat as a result of how shitty I was treating Audrey and, by extension, Grace. I avoided everyone except Miss Georgia, who let me know I was a day late and a dollar short as she had already packed her bags and moved six blocks over.

“You remember Molly Green, owned the studio over on Maple. She did your senior pictures.” Miss Molly was cool as shit. Everyone went to her if they had something they needed a photographer for. Momma used her for everything, including her wedding to daddy. “Well she sold off her business to some lady from Virginia. She tried to make a go of it, but the quality wasn’t the same and she ended up moving back home. Molly couldn’t stand the thought of the building going to waste, so she remodeled it.”

I even tried talking to Molly, but she was even more stubborn than momma. “Chase Morgan, you didn’t sign a lease with me and I ain’t taking any money from you.”

So, I was left to sit at momma’s kitchen island as she gave me a solid hour of how her heart was broken when she took the money from Audrey. “Chase, she is a good and decent girl, sure she has some baggage, but Grace is a sweet child. It ain’t her fault what happened with that man, he made his decisions and she and that baby were innocent victims, just like you and your brothers were.” So now I was stuck, going against what my heart and my mind wanted. Letting Kakos, and myself, down as I was damn sure living in regret.

The first workday back, I walked into the shop to find Dylan on the floor stacking blocks so Grace could knock them over. My heart clenched as she laughed and clapped her hands as he would fake a groan at her destruction of his Taj Mahal. “Since when did we open a daycare?” I’d snapped, not meaning for the words to ever leave my lips.

Dylan stood holding Grace, her little hands grasping his face as she placed open mouth, slobbery kisses on his cheek. “We didn’t, but this is the cutest baby on the planet. Besides I thought you’d want her here instead of some daycare center across town.” Audrey turned back to her computer typing a few lines and then asked Dylan if she could take her lunch early. She’d returned a little later, a frown on her face and no Grace. Dylan told me after she left that night, she had placed the baby in daycare, even after he’d insisted she was welcome here.

“She doesn’t want a three ring circus with people she doesn’t know.” Momma continued while Dylan kept cleaning the same spot on the bike he was working on, he had been biting his tongue since the night we took care of Lucas. “I’ve already spoken with her Momma and your Daddy. As much as I want to throw the reception of the century, I’m gonna make her happy and have a low country boil.”

Dylan stopped his circles on the polished chrome, his diversion to the tension in the room. Standing straight, he looks to me and then to Momma. “That is one of the better ideas you’ve have ever had.” He claims, tossing the rag on the counter, walking around the lift, he kisses her cheek, and with a loud and exaggerated motion, earning a smack and a laugh from her. He keeps walking toward the front office. “Audrey, I’ll be back later. You can reach me on my cell.”

I’d considered changing my schedule back to nights, but just because my dumb ass was avoiding her, didn’t mean my dick stopped wanting her. No matter how much cold water I sprayed the fucker with, the second he heard her voice or saw the edge of her ankle, he was up and ready. Being alone in the shop with her, would be pure hell on Earth. Diving into the motor I needed to rebuild, I reached over to turn on the television, adding some white noise into the room. Channel four had started their evening news with a breaking report.

“The citizens of Charleston will not soon forget the horrendous fire which broke out in a residential home three weeks ago. Experts from across the state were called in to help local investigators find the cause of such an intense blaze. In a statement released today, fire officials report the fire broke out in the dining area of the home where a number of propane containers were found. With the history of numerous drug arrests at the home and the type of accelerants found, authorities are ruling this a meth lab explosion. The remains of three men were also found in the rubble; twenty-six year old Lucas Campbell of Charleston, forty-two year old Clifford Campbell, also of Charleston, who had been released from jail on a parole violation charge and twenty-four year old Kevin Winters, who was wanted in several cities for fraud, also known on the streets as Largo. The discovery of meth labs have increased in the last few years according to reports. The making of the drug, as we all know by now, is an extremely dangerous operation with tragic results. Up next…”

Turning back to the motor, the memory of setting up the dining room was in the forefront of my mind. Kakos had shown me how to use ordinary chemicals to create hidden explosives. I’d watched him take a number of chemicals and mix them together, standing back and watching what the mixture would do. When I saw the different bottles against the floor, I knew in an instant what I would be leaving behind. Our system had failed women like Audrey, slapping douche bags like Lucas on the wrist and giving them the opportunity to do the crime all over again. With him gone, she could walk down the street without fear of him pulling up in his truck, harassing her into giving him her last dime. Setting her free had been worth it, even if it meant being free of me as well.

“I never got to say thank you.”

Gasping, I dropped the socket wrench in my hand, spinnin in the direction of the voice. Audrey stood with her purse over her shoulder, hair down with the ends curled. Her skirt was shorter today, touching the tops of her calves instead of her ankles. She had purchased a new sweater, pale pink with white buttons. She was still so beautiful.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” She said, a hint of glee in her voice which matched the pride in her eyes.

“You’re fine, I’m just distracted, that’s all.” I returned, admitting someone got the jump on me was like admitting I’d fallen asleep on watch.

“I never said thank you for that night, for sending Grace to me.” Stumbling over the word ‘sending’. I’d hurt her, I’d broken my promise and hurt her.

Placing my hands on my hip, I turned in her direction. “It was the right thing to do, something I would have done for anybody in your situation.” The words like acid on my tongue. What is wrong with me? Why can’t the right words come out when she’s around me?

She nods her head twice as she glances quickly to the floor and back. “I know. It’s the definition of a hero; giving selfishly of yourself for the benefit of others. Just because the uniform came off, doesn’t mean it changes who you are inside.”

She didn’t give me an opportunity to correct her as she left the room just as quietly as she entered. I’m no hero, not by a long shot. I’m a fucked up man, who’s in love with a girl he feels the need to push away, punishing her for a crime she didn’t commit.

Crossing the room to retrieve my phone, I press my speed dial and wait for my friend to answer. Leaning against the counter, I have the perfect view of her desk. Audrey always leaves her office neat as a pin, not a paper remains when she waves good-bye. Her tiny picture frame, on the corner of her desk, holds a selfie of her and Grace in a park. The masochistic side of me took a shot of it with my phone so I have something to look at as I sit alone in my room every night. It’s a constant reminder of how badly I fucked this up.

“Hey, Morgan! When did you get back to the states?” Slash has been my friend since high school and owns the tattoo shop not far from here. He’s the only guy I’ve let ink me.

“Hey, Slash, you busy?” The line is quiet for a second, I imagine him searching the room looking for the appointment book he never uses.

“Nah, man. Come on over.”

I jump on my bike, something I haven’t done since Audrey was on the back in Florida. I needed to remember what it was like to have her wrapped around me, touching me in the pool and laughing at my stupid antics. It had been so hot that day, yet she never complained about her hair, or the sweat which poured off her. She was content to be with me, happy to be included with the family. My stupidity and insecurities destroyed everything we had built in that short time. I was no better than Lucas at crushing her hopes and dreams.

Slash’s shop hadn’t changed since the last time I let him work on me. His music was still loud and his hair long—but the motherfucker had skills. “Well, if it ain’t the fucking Marines.” He joked as we slapped each other backs in a man hug.

“Not anymore, man, I got out a few months ago.”

Slash closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’ve done enough of you guys to know that shit ain’t true. Once a Marine, always a Marine. Now, what are we doing?”

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