Page 18 of Absolute Valor

It’s Better to Beg for Forgiveness than to Ask for Permission

“None of this is your fault, you know.” Inhaling deeply, I leaned back in the chair as I released the breath, attempting to rid myself of the validity of his words. Most of my attention was fixated on the green numbers on the microwave, wishing like hell I could freeze time, go back, and have a do over. “Some of it is, some of it isn’t.” I accepted, knowing I could have ignored her email and not spoken with her. I could have responded to the red flags snapping in the breeze when I first came back into town.

“Talk to me, Chase. What’s weighing the heaviest?” Not once in the time we were little did daddy ever fail to stop and listen to what we needed to say. His door, and heart, were always open, even if we’d been in trouble with him or Momma.

“I can’t figure out what she meant when she told Audrey she chose me off a list. What list? It’s been how many years since that day at the home? My last name changed, hell, I moved over three thousand miles away to live in the middle of the desert.” I spent more time sleeping under tents and hillsides than I did on cots inside buildings. Since I worked with SEALs, my identity and location were top secret. “How hard was it to get to me after granddaddy died?”

Daddy nodded his head, “We called the Red Cross like you had originally said when you got out of boot camp. They got back to us within the hour, explaining there was no Chase Morgan in the US Marines. I phoned a few contacts in Washington, and then got a call about two hours later you were on a plane to the states.”

We hadn’t been back for more than a few hours after having successfully escorted the medical convoy to the village where they were needed. Sawyer, our Chief, had been bitten by the admiration bug with a pretty civilian nurse, Avery Cutler, and was already devising a plan to get back out there to see her. A few of the guys were deep in a game of Texas hold em’, as we dug into a box of MREs. I didn’t make it past ripping the top off when someone shouted, “Attention on deck!” In walked a line of brass, including a three star General in the center of the pack. Everyone jumped to attention, dead silence filling the room. It wasn’t everyday a man of his caliber came unannounced to such a remote location, security is always a first priority when that many stars are involved. He narrowed in on my Lieutenant, speaking quiet enough I couldn’t hear. My heart tried crawling out of my chest when LT nodded his head. “Yes Sir.” Turning to the group with heaviness in his face, “Diesel, front and center. “

On the way back to the main base, riding in the General’s MRAP, he spoke of what a great man my granddaddy had been, how he had met him once at a USO event. “Son, give my condolences to your family.” He offered as I shook his hand before leaving his vehicle.

“Chase, I wasn’t going to bring this up, but since you’ve mentioned it.” He didn’t need to ask the question, I knew the second he admitted to calling the Red Cross what was on his mind. “When your granddaddy passed, your momma was a wreck.” When I came through the door of the house, Priscilla wrapped herself around me, hugging me as if her life depended on it. “I never told her about the call from the Red Cross.” Of course he didn’t, Dean Morgan was a man of honor and would never let momma worry unnecessarily. “I phoned Senator Conner’s office, he told me your file was sealed and I would need to speak with Gerald Meyer.” Puzzle pieces started moving into place, Gerald Meyer, more commonly known as the Secretary of Defense. “Your granddaddy had helped to get him appointed to his position. He let me know he couldn’t tell me your location, but he could take care of it on his end.”

“You’ve heard of SEAL team six?”

His eyes flashed with recognition, nodding his head cautiously, “The men who killed Bin Laudon. Chase…”

I didn’t let him finish. I wasn’t involved, and would never claim to be one of the team active in the mission. “No,” I held up my hand to stop him. “Those guys are a different team than the one I was attached to. Was, being the operative word. When I made my decision to leave the military, we sat down as a group, and I let them know what I wanted to do. I still keep in contact with them and they know they always have a place to stay if they need it. My team is more than a bunch of guys I walked the sand with, they’re my brothers.”

“Son, you never said anything about going to training.”

Shaking my head, not able to dive too much into what had happened. “I wasn’t a SEAL, Dad. My job was to guard them, to have their backs, and keep the bullets from taking one of them out.” Dad was quiet for a while, he has always been a thinker, evaluating what is said and dissecting each part until he could catalog it. “Which brings me back to Virginia. If my own parents couldn’t get a message to me, how in the hell did she find me?”

“It’s a good question, but also one you may never get the answer to.”

I remained silent, the possibilities too heavy to ignore. “She’s given me enough reasons to question her. Like, when I came home for the funeral, I sent her an email I was in town and wanted to meet up. It took her a long time to tell me she was busy. When I got back to the team, they tried to tell me the same thing as Dylan and Austin, but I refused to listen to them.” Listening to the words as they left my mouth and hearing them as they echoed in the room, I felt like an idiot for not waking up sooner.

Realization struck me, nagging at the back of my mind until I couldn’t ignore it. “You know, I’ve been getting calls from a credit card company for a line of credit I never opened.” Daddy adjusted his arms, crossing them over his chest, but remained silent. “Lainie is looking into it for me, following the trail to see where it leads.”

Daddy leaned forward, his momentum placing him closer to me. “You think the two are connected?” I shrugged my shoulders, “Who knows at this point?” I admit honestly.

“Well, your brother will do a thorough investigation, and you can always ask Austin for his opinion.” I needed to talk with my middle brother, to mend the fence I’d destroyed. “Let me know what Lainie finds out, my office will handle any paperwork you need filed.”

According to the time on the microwave, it was two thirty in the morning. The sun would be up before I was ready, yet my mind refused to shut off and I knew sleep would elude me tonight. Daddy leaned back and opened the small fridge built into the island. Less than ten seconds later, he placed down a bottle of Jack Daniels, the glass fogged instantly from the change in temperature. Beside the bottle, he placed two shot glasses and tipped the bottle of Jack, filling them to the rim. Where Granddaddy was a fan of Hennessy, Dean Morgan enjoyed Kentucky Bourbon. “It’s been awhile since we’ve had a chat like this.” Sliding one glass in my direction, he took the other in his hand, and then held it up, waiting to toast with me. After clinking my glass with his, I tossed back the shot, welcoming the burn traveling down my throat.

“How about you tell me what’s really bothering you?”

When I was a senior in high school, Daddy had to come pick me up from school for fighting. He managed to talk the principle out of suspending me, guaranteeing him I would be dealt with. Momma was away with a friend of hers and Dylan and Austin were already in college. He brought me in here, and we sat down just as we are now and he poured the same drink. He asked me what happened, I gave him the same story I did coach when he broke up the fight. After I swallowed the shot of Jack, he asked me the same question. I admitted it was over a girl, one I had no interest in, other than a friend. Her brother was the third string quarterback and got in my face when he found a piece of paper with my name written all over it, a red heart drawn in place of the letter ‘O’ in my last name.

Daddy gave me a look and then asked me to tell him what was really wrong. “When Dylan went off to school, it was a little different, but Austin was still here to hang around with. This year they’re both gone and…”

“And you miss your brothers,” he finished for me. He’d cleaned up the evidence of my underage drinking, told me to pack a bag, and then called Granddaddy. The three of us spent the weekend at our cabin in Tennessee.

“I’m pretty sure I spooked Audrey.” I could still see the look on her face as I let my tongue roll, telling her how I had a list of things I wanted to do with her. It’s the truth, I feel this incredible surge when I’m with her. I don’t even want to think about how I feel when she’s off somewhere.

“Spooked her? How?”

“Audrey has this look of determination in her eyes. It’s almost like she has this goal she’s trying to reach. I’m captivated by the fierceness of it and I want to stand with her, helping her with the struggle.”

Moving around the island and taking a seat in the chair beside me, daddy propped his feet up on the edge of the island, arms crossed over his chest. “So you want to be her hero? To ride in on your white horse, slay the dragon, and then move on to the next damsel in distress.”

I hung my head, “No, I don’t want to be her hero.” I sighed, frustrated. “The first time I saw her get punched by Lucas, something in me snapped.” My eyes were still downcast, searching my memories for the right words to come out.

“A week before I came home, this new kid, Ramsey, came into camp. This kid had watched too many movies and couldn’t wait to see some bullets fly. Every once in awhile, we would get some fucker taking shots at the trucks coming in and out of the camp. LT ordered myself and Tombstone to get a fix on this sniper and take him out. Ramsay got word of what we were doing and wanted to go with us, bragging about how he grew up in West Virginia and shot everything the family ate. Tombstone, who was originally from Arizona, was another EOD who had a high kill ratio.”

Daddy held his hand up to stop me, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Wait a second, you’ve lost me with your codes. Tombstone?”

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