Page 36 of Signed, SEALed, Delivered

"Intimate?" He finished for me. I nodded in agreement.

"Well, there is nothing you can do about this tonight. It's late and maybe, just maybe, things will look better in the light of day."

Zach suggested I stay with him. Agreeing, I sent a text message to Jason letting him know I wouldn't be home. There was nothing sexual about lying beside Zach. I didn't even bother asking to borrow clothes as I kicked my shoes off and crawled under the covers. Zach asked me in a whisper if I wanted to be left alone or if he could hold me. Holding out my hand to him, he took my fingers and laced his through mine. It was enough for me to lay beside him, knowing he was available to me if I needed him, but far enough away I could be alone with my thoughts.

As the sun began to illuminate the sky the next morning, I walked downstairs grabbing my phone and sent my father a text informing him I would be at his office first thing this morning.

***

When I was a little girl, dad would bring me to his office on the days mom would go have her hair done. I would crawl into his chair, pretending to be just like him. Somehow the more successful my father became, the less like him I wanted to be. John Forrester dealt with personal property law, wills, estate planning and the like. He once told me he loved working for the District Attorney's office after graduating law school. Telling me how he worked with people who depended on him, saw people at their lowest and gave his all to help them.

I pushed open the door and came face to face with the man who gave me guidelines on what kind of man I should allow in my life. However, with recent events, those guidelines needed to be re-evaluated.

Ignoring my deep-set manners, I walked around the room before taking a seat on the couch without waiting for an invitation. Dad's face told me he was surprised to see me and my boldness made him uneasy.

"I didn't expect to see you this early."

Leaning forward in my seat, I felt the need to purge myself of these feelings of hurt and betrayal. I needed to tell him what a jerk I thought he was being.

"I saw you last night,” I began. “With Leeann."

Brown eyes that matched mine stared at me from across the desk. There was silver decorating the hair near his ears, and his face, always freshly shaven even on the weekends, suddenly looked older to me. I believed, my entire life, my father had the answer to every question. Now, as we sit staring at each other with the minutes ticking by, there are no answers, no pearls of advice, not even a go ask your mother.

He removed his glasses, tossing them to the center of his desk, his paperwork long forgotten. "Kennedy, do you have any idea what it’s like to live with someone who hates you?"

I’d always assumed my parents were on the same team, both having the same agenda and goals in life.

“Being tied to a woman who married you because your name was the same as her obsession? Being compared everyday of your life to a man who has been dead and buried longer than she has been alive? Someone who fashions her world around a woman she never met, even naming her children after this obsession?” It was true; Claudia Forrester possessed an unhealthy obsession with Jackie Kennedy Onassis. When Caroline was born, she had slapped the name on the birth certificate before my father could hold his daughter. When I came along, she told him from the second the pink line appeared, my name, regardless of gender, would be Kennedy.

"Then why do you stay, Dad?" I could have answered him with a simple yes or no, but I honestly didn't want to admit I knew my mother didn't care for me, as a mother should.

"Leeann asks me the same thing, telling me I should put my happiness first. “This was the father I remembered from my childhood, the one who laughs, smiles, and tells the occasional joke.

"She doesn't push me to do anything I don't want to do, to be something I'm not. She also doesn't give a shit about how much money I have or how many properties I own. Just being in her company is enough." His eyes were downcast, his fingers busy with the edge of his desk.

"Again, Dad, why do you stay?"

His eyes flashed to mine, the truth shining brightly. Good or bad, it's there and I want to hear what he has to say, what he has been hiding from us. "Honestly, I didn't want to see the disappointment in your eyes when your mother made our business your business. I guess my carousing did just that, making you see me in a negative light."

I nodded, understanding where he was coming from. I worked my whole life to keep my parents from ever being disappointed in me. "Daddy, I'm not here to judge you. Hell, I know firsthand how hard it can be to live with mom, but no one deserves this." My eyes were pleading with him and praying he didn’t shut me down. "If being with Leeann is making you as happy as you claim, then why not just be honest with her and, more importantly, yourself. Be the man I know you can be. Be the man I have compared other men to my entire life."

I watched as his face went from pale and pained to content and resolved. Having a conversation with my father was always easy, always level and calm. My mother on the other hand, not so much.

"Tell me, Kennedy, when did you get so smart?" His joking voice made the moment lighter.

"I've always been smart, I just got some really great advice lately."

Leaning back in his chair his smile returned, the one I have always loved. "Really? I heard your mother talking about a young man you’ve been seeing. Is he the one giving this good advice?"

I thought about Zach. About kissing him on the sidewalk, straddling him in his chair, falling asleep holding his hand, but more importantly, being able to run to him when I needed a friend without having to separate the friend side from the sexual side.

"He is an amazing man who was a friend when I needed one."

"Just a friend?"

I shake my head, not bothering to hide the smile thoughts of Zach created. "No, he is so much more than a friend."

"So, how serious are we talking? Are you being careful?"

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