Page 51 of Tactical Lies

August 21st

11:55 A.M.

Maybe she shouldn’t have told him she’d kept all the penis plushies.

But lying would have felt like playing games and they were both too old, had been through too much, and meant too much to each other for that.

Because Becca knew she was lying to herself if she pretended Connor didn't still mean something to her.

He did.

That had never been the problem.

Never once had she doubted that Connor Charleston loved her. The problem had always been a combination of her lack of trust in him and her anger that he got to have a choice in whether or not he bailed from the mess her life had been back then.

The more time she spent around Connor now, the more she realized what a mistake it had been getting engaged. Not that she hadn't loved Toby because she had. It was just the love she’d had for him didn't even come close to comparable to what she felt for Connor.

With Toby it was more like a comfortable companionship that she’d allowed to go further than she had initially planned because she felt safe around him. Toby had been a bit of a geek. He loved numbers and had become an accountant, he never pressured her to do anything she was uncomfortable with, supported her passion and drive to start her charity and travel the globe, and had been willing to work as the charity’s finance guy. He was sweet and funny, and she knew he loved her, and while she’d loved him back, now she could acknowledge that she hadn't beeninlove with him.

How could she be when one man already owned every piece of her heart?

Glancing over at where Connor was lying sprawled on the steps, his nose buried in a book he’d found on the bookshelves inside, Becca found her fingers almost compulsively stroking the silly penis plushie she couldn’t seem to put down. Not only had she held onto it while they watched TV last night, but she’d taken it to bed with her as well.

It was a poor comparison to what she really wanted to be touching but it was better than nothing.

Wait.

Did she just think that it was Connor’s penis she wanted to be playing with?

Her cheeks blushed what she was sure was a dark pink and Connor chose that particular moment to set his book down and look over at her.

The blush deepened.

Did he know what she was thinking?

If she went to him and asked if she could take him in her mouth, would he say yes?

Of course, he would.

This was Connor and he had made it clear he wanted her back and was prepared to fight for her. That’s why he’d come out there, to be with her, to watch out for her, take care of her, just like he always did.

One failure didn't have to change what should have been their happy ever after.

It had but it didn't always have to be that way.

Over the last decade, Becca had done a lot of healing, a lot over these last few days as well.

Maybe she was ready to consider what her future looked like and if the man before her was going to be part of it.

“Want to go for a walk?” Connor asked, pushing to his feet. He was all muscle and power and strength as he strode toward her. Dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, he looked so handsome that it was hard to focus on what he was saying when she was overpowered by how he made her feel.

Like the center of the world.

That was how Connor had always made her feel.

When they were little kids playing in the neighborhood and when they’d been a couple. He respected her, cared for her, cared about her, and always made her feel like she was the sun that his life revolved around, even though his nickname for her was moonlight.

Had she spent enough time telling him how much that meant to her?

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