Page 52 of Tactical Lies

Had she made him feel the same way?

Those last few months they’d been together had been rough, and she’d been a mess, maybe she hadn't communicated how deeply grateful she was that he had been her rock.

“Becca?”

Right.

He’d asked her a question.

“A walk … yeah … that would be nice.”

The bright smile he gave her had an answering smile curling her own lips. How had she gone so many years without seeing that smile? Even on the darkest of days, it had bathed her in light and warmth.

When he held out his hand to help her out of the porch swing, she hesitated for barely a second before reaching out and placing her hand in his. His fingers closed around hers and something settled inside her.

Whatever had happened between them, she couldn’t help but feel this was where she belonged.

Connor tugged her to her feet but didn't release her hand as he helped her down the porch steps, and she found that she didn't want him to let go.

Maybe she needed to see him fight for her, for them. He was the one who had broken what they had, shattered their foundations, and before she could think about rebuilding them, she had to know he was all in. That no matter what life threw at them, he wouldn't bail again. That if he started feeling like it was too much, he’d talk to her rather than screaming, ranting, and then running.

For a while they wandered in silence. The air was warm again today without being too hot, the sky was a bright, vivid blue, and dappled light bathed them as they walked amongst the trees. With the chirping birds and fluttering butterflies, it was like walking through paradise.

Or maybe it was who she was walking with that made the woods feel so special.

“I met him about three years after we broke up,” she said, breaking the spell. As much as she didn't want to have this conversation, she knew it had to be done. They had to clear the air, get everything out in the open, and then go from there.

“The man you were engaged to?” Although Connor’s voice was even, his fingers tightened ever so slightly around hers and she knew he wasn't unaffected by her words.

“His name was Toby. He was a good man, and he was what I needed at that time in my life. He helped ease me out of the protective cocoon I’d locked myself in. He was sweet and shy, he never pushed me, always treated me with respect, and was supportive of what I wanted to do with my life.”

“You loved him?” The thread of jealousy in Connor’s voice was impossible to miss even though his words came out without the heat she knew was bubbling inside him.

“I loved him, but I didn't love him the way I should have to say yes to his proposal,” she added. “It wasn't fair to him. He deserved to be loved the way I loved you.”

Connor froze.

Slowly he turned so he looked down at her.

“Loved or love?” he asked, his voice shaking slightly.

How could he even ask her that?

Was there any doubt?

“Love, Connor. Always love. It was never about not loving you, that’s not why I left. I was angry and I didn't trust you. I don’t know if I overreacted, it’s hard to tell. Now, looking back, I think I should have waited for you to come back and talked it through, but at the time my emotions were too raw, and I did what I felt was best,” she explained.

“Oh, moonlight. I’m not mad at you for doing what you had to do. I messed up. Me. It’s all on me.”

“Toby and I were together for about two years, engaged for about a month when he was killed. Hit by a drunk driver. Died instantly.”

“If he hadn't died, would you have married him?”

Would she?

“I … don’t think so. He was safe because I think deep down, I knew I wasn't really in love with him. Izzy always told me I was settling, picking the easy option so I didn't have to push through my fears of being with men, letting them in, and trusting them. I said yes to the proposal because it seemed like the logical next step, but I think when the wedding became real, and I started thinking of all the things I’d been planning for our wedding since I was ten, I would have realized it was the wrong thing to do.”

A slow smile spread across Connor’s face. “Picked out for our wedding?”

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