Page 58 of Tactical Lies

But until she used her words, he wouldn't do anything.

Violating her trust like that would be something he could never take back.

When he reached the dock, only about a dozen yards from where they’d capsized, he shifted his hands to circle Becca’s hips and lifted her up and onto the wood. Then, placing his hands on the dock, he hoisted himself out and up onto the pier beside her.

She’d flopped onto her back, her knees bent over the side of the dock, toes dipped into the water, staring up at the vast expanse of sky above them. He stretched out alongside her, also with his feet in the water, keeping just enough space between them that he wouldn't be tempted to do something like haul her over so she was straddling his legs and let her do what her eyes had been begging for.

Taking things slow might be hard, but it was the only way to get what he wanted.

This wasn't about just patching things up with Becca so she no longer hated him and then parting ways as friends.

This was about getting back the future that should have always been his.

Would have been his if he hadn't messed it up.

Something brushed lightly against his hip, and he glanced down to see Becca’s hand. She hadn't turned her head and was still staring up at the wide blue sky above them, but she’d reached out to him.

His heart soared as he moved one of his hands to claim hers.

For a long time, they lay like that, both watching the sky and the occasional white, fluffy cloud that drifted lazily across it, both lost in thought. The sun slowly dried their soaked clothes and wet hair, the wafting breeze kept them from getting too hot, and honestly, even if it was a thousand degrees out there, nothing was going to make him move and end this perfect moment.

“I still love watching the clouds, seeing what shapes they make.” Becca’s voice finally broke the comfortable silence.

Turning to look at her, Connor found she was watching him now. He didn't know for how long, but he liked that she was finally able to look at him with a peaceful expression, one free from the pain of his betrayal.

“You always loved that game when we were little,” he said.

“And when we were not so little. I still remember the last date we went on before I was hurt. You took me out to the beach, we swam, we laughed, we made out, we lay on the sand watching the sky, and then we roasted marshmallows and made S’mores over a bonfire before you took me home and made love to me in our bed.”

“I remember.” It had been about ten days before Dylan had accosted her that night in her car and raped her.

“I never told you what I saw in the clouds that day.”

“I think you told me about a dozen things you saw. There was a baby elephant, a train, a chicken, a seahorse, a?—”

“Okay, okay,” Becca said with a giggle. “So I told yousomeof the things I saw that day, but there was one I never mentioned. One I thought about a lot these last several years. At the time I thought …”

“Thought what, moonlight?” he asked as his fingers stroked her wrist, soothing her because he sensed her increasing anxiety.

Her dark blue eyes met his directly as she spoke. “I could have sworn I saw a ring. Like an engagement ring. Right when I spotted it, the sun shone right through it, making the clouds seem like they were glowing, almost sparkling. It’s silly but … I wondered if it was kind of like a sign. That maybe you were almost ready to propose.”

This time, he didn't resist the urge to tug her over so she was kneeling above him, her knees on either side of his hips. Retaining his grip on her hand, Becca’s other splayed out on his chest, ironically right above his heart. His free hand gripped her thigh, holding onto her because he was half afraid that if he didn't, she’d disappear.

“I was ready to propose to you when we were six,” he told her, making her smile. “I'm not joking, Becca. I told Cooper that you were going to be my wife when we were grown up, and he scrunched up his nose and told me girls were icky. I was six, I agreed. Girls were icky back then, but not you, because you weren't a girl. Well, you were, but really you were just mine. I bought you an engagement ring before we’d even slept together. I saved almost all of my money from my part-time job and bought you a ring. It was small, but I knew you wouldn't care.”

“Why didn't you ever propose?”

“Because I thought it had to be perfect. I thought the timing mattered. I thought that I had to wait until we both graduated, got jobs, and then we could get married. I thought that we had to do things a certain way. I thought I had to plan something really special, romantic. Because I hadn't spent a lot on the ring, I was planning this amazing vacation to take you on after we graduated so everything would be perfect. Do you know what I realized after I lost you?”

“What?” she asked breathlessly, hanging on his every word.

“There’s no such thing as perfect. You were perfect for me and there are no rules when it comes to life. I wish I’d proposed when I wanted to, which was right after high school. I wanted to get married that summer and start college as a proper married couple. It’s another one of the mistakes I made.” If they’d been married, he’d like to think he wouldn't have freaked that day, or if he had, that Becca would have waited for him to come back so they could talk.

“Connor, you want to know what I realized after we broke up?”

“What?”

“That happiness is what you make it. You're right, there is no such thing as perfect. While this world is full of so many beautiful things it’s also full of darkness and a lot of bad things. You can't escape them, but you can survive them.”

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