Page 21 of Love and Other Chances

“Yes, you are,” Lana agrees.

Phooey.

“Itwassuper fun! There’s nothing weird about that!” Both faces stare me down through the screen. “Fine, there was one minor snafu, but it turned out to not be a huge deal at all. And I had a great time.”

“What snafu?” Amaya asks, eyebrow raised.

“Well, originally, five of us from small group were supposed to go, but several people had to cancel the day of the event. So it wound upbeing only two of us,” I say, eyes darting around the screen but not maintaining eye contact.

“And that was you and . . . your ex?” Lana deduces.

“Wait, you spent the weekend alone with your ex and didn’t think to lead the call with that information?” Amaya exclaims. Lana hums her agreement.

“I didn’t lead with that information because it wasn’t a big deal. We had a good timeas friendsat the disco, and nothing was awkward at all. We’re being total grown-ups about it.”

“Sure,” Amaya states.

I roll my eyes. “Maybethisis why I didn’t lead with this information! Because you’re making it a bigger deal than it is.”

Lana looks locked and loaded with more commentary. I need a diversion.

“Now, would you two like to hear about the actual life crisis I’m dealing with?” I ask.I may not have been ready to discuss my doubts about my future yet, but sacrifices must be made in the name of diverting attention from Brooks.

“What do you mean, life crisis?” Lana bursts out.

Here goes nothing. “Well, you know this is the final year of my initial commitment on Arrow staff and that I’d been planning on signing on for another two years,” I begin. They nod. “This might seem kind of out of the blue, probably because itisa little out of the blue, but I’ve been having some . . . doubts about if I want to recommit or not.”

Their eyebrows shoot up in unison, as though they had choreographed their reactions ahead of time. I clarify, “Doubt is maybe too strong of a word. Questions? Hesitation? Minor uncertainty?”

“It’s okay to change your mind, Teeg,” Amaya says. “There’s nothing wrong with deciding to do something different. But what’s making you question things?”

“Is it because you were feeling burned out at the start of the school year?” Lana asks.

I blow a breath through the hair on my face. “Not exactly. I’m actively trying to head off the job burnout because I know that’s not a good mental state for making huge life decisions. I’ve been feeling better since I joined the church small group. You were right that Ineeded some friendships with peers outside of the students in Arrow. Plus, I had so much fun dancing this weekend that just a little bit ago I looked up a gym in town that offers a dance exercise class a couple of times a week. I’m going to try to go at least once a week so I have a hobby that’s not related to Arrow.”

“You’re welcome for that advice,” Amaya teases.

“A million thanks,” I say with a smile. “I’ve been thinking a lot about teaching lately, about being around younger kids and making a difference in their lives. I really enjoyed my student teaching experience, even though, by that point, I already knew I’d be joining Arrow’s staff instead of becoming a teacher. It’s like this ‘road not taken’ that keeps beckoning, making me curious about what could have been.”

“Do you regret staying on staff at Townsend?” Lana asks, head cocked to one side.

“No! Not at all!” I emphasize. “I’ve loved lovedlovedthese years on staff. It’s been a dream job. I guess I’m trying to figure out if it’sstillthe dream for the next phase of my life or not. But is it bad that I’d consider doing something else when helping college students grow spiritually is so impactful? Am I wrong to even think about quitting when something so meaningful is something I enjoy, something I’m good at?”

“Teegs, no!” Lana asserts. “It’s not bad to consider doing something else! It’s not like working with college students is the only meaningful thing you can do with your life. You’d make an incredible impact as a special ed teacher. Or any other path you might choose to pursue. You’d make an impact because of who you are as a person, not because of your paid vocation.”

“Not to mention, it wouldn’t be quitting, Beef,” Amaya jumps in. “You’re coming to the end of your commitment, so choosing not to recommit isn’t quitting. You can extend your commitment, or you can move on. Either choice is valid. Pray about it, process the options, let us know how we can help you—but don’t beat yourself up for considering a change.”

“Ahhh, thanks, Beefs,” I say. “I’ve been afraid to vocalize this to anyone. But I know I should never be afraid to tell you two anything. I’m not even close to making a decision, but I’m grateful to have you as a sounding board.”

“We’re here any time you need us,” Lana says. “Except right this minute. Because I have to leave to go to a study group session for a giant test tomorrow. I can’t wait to be done with law school,” she concludes with a sigh.

“Good luck, LaLa! I’ll be praying for your test!” I respond. “And hope you have a killer week at work, Amaya!” I blow kisses into the screen before signing off.

Clutching my phone to my chest, I exhale a sigh of relief.Dodged the bullet. Wait, no I didn’t. There’s no bullet to dodge! They can side-eye me all they want, but there’s nothing to worry about with Brooks.

Nothing to worry about at all.

I bolt upright in bed, cheeks moist, chest heaving.

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