Page 73 of Love and Other Chances

“Talk about a blast from the past. I feel like I’m back in college again!” she exclaims. “Does it ever feel like you never left?”

“It kinda does sometimes,” I admit. “Which is fun some days and slightly weird others. How’s your week been?”

“Good! I really feel like I’m getting a handle on the job,” Bailey says. “Of course, I was finally in the swing of things with the soccer team just in time for their season to end. But now we’re neck-deep in basketball season, and I’ll feel more prepared for the women’s soccer team this spring. It’s a fun challenge to tailor nutrition based on the athletes’ specific needs.”

“Bailey? Is that you?” Rachel’s voice gets louder as she walks toward us. “It’s so great to see you!” she says asshe gives Bailey a hug.

“You too!” Bailey replies. “I’m back in town working with the athletic department, and Teegan invited me to come to the old stomping grounds tonight!”

Rachel gives me a surprised but encouraging look.I guess she was not as oblivious to the tension between Bailey and the Beefs as we thought she was.

“I’m so glad she did! I should stick you up on stage to emcee announcements for old time’s sake,” Rachel teases.

“Goodness, no!” Bailey laughs. “Where’s the After Party tonight?”

“Heading to Mom’s Diner for late-night breakfast food,” I reply.

“A classic,” Bailey says with a smile.

“Teegan is still the queen of After Party planning,” Rachel says. “I seriously don’t know what we would do without her.”

There’s a meaningful tone to her statement that cuts like a knife. And not a painless scalpel. A very dull knife, where you feel every excruciating millisecond of the cut.

My skin starts to feel itchy, my breath too tight.

“Oh, anyone could do it!” I say. I gesture with too-large hand movements. “I love planning social events, but it’s not an exclusive talent.”

Bailey gives me a weird look. Because I’m acting weird.

“Why don’t we go in and find a seat? We can grab a place close to the TriAlphas, if you want,” I redirect, pulling Bailey into the meeting room. Away from Rachel and the awkward undercurrents that will drag me under if I don’t escape now.

“What was that about?” Bailey asks under her breath.

“What was what? Not sure what you mean!” I whisper as we take seats.

“Uh-huh. Sure,” Bailey replies, one eyebrow raised.

I’m saved from responding by the worship band inviting everyone to stand, the loud music canceling out any opportunity to continue the conversation.

My mind wanders throughout the meeting.I know I should tell Kent and Rachel that I’m considering other options for next year. That I’m possibly leaning toward not returning to Arrow staff. Strongly leaning.

But they’ll be so disappointed in me! They’ll think I’m a quitter, that I’m giving up on such an amazing opportunity to have a spiritualimpact on students. I don’t want them to think less of me. Or to think I’m just getting bored. This isn’t a boring job! I don’t want them to take it personally, to think I don’t like working with them.

Ugh. There are so many potential adverse outcomes to this conversation.

I’m not sure what Kent is sharing in his message because I’m too busy feeling trapped by catastrophic what-ifs. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to take full breaths as my thoughts churn around worst-case scenarios.

I close my eyes, letting my body sprout wings and climb above the clouds. I’m flying away, over the ocean, heading toward a beautiful sunset. Drifting away from the discomfort.

How long can I keep flying away?

When the meeting ends, I introduce Bailey to several girls, although she already knows the TriAlphas. I can tell that Bailey’s emotional tank is filling up by being here and reliving her college days, and I realize how happy it makes me to see Bailey happy.

We sit with a huge group of sorority girls at Mom’s Diner, regaling them with stories from our “good ol’ days” in AOPi and TriAlpha. I go out of my way to emphasize how great of a leader Bailey was because, when I set aside our petty, immature rivalry, it’s the honest truth. Bailey was a great leader in TriAlpha and in Townsend’s Greek system in general.

The crowd thins the later it gets, but Bailey and I linger there, sharing memories and a cinnamon roll. “So, why were you acting so weird earlier when Rachel talked about you being the After Party Queen? It’s not like that’s news to anyone,” Bailey says.

I take a quick mental inventory of my options. Play this off and bypass talking about my unknown future, or be honest about why it made me so uncomfortable.

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