Page 88 of Love and Other Chances

What do young people these days wear to indie concerts??

I laugh out loud when I read Joy’s text.

You are still young

JOY

Not young enough to be able to pick an outfit for tonight.

Want me to come over and help you choose something? I can be there at 5

JOY

That would be amazing!

A few hours later, I ring the doorbell at Joy’s house. She answers almost immediately, pulling me into a hug before gesturing inside.

“You’re a lifesaver, Teegan. I left the office a little early today, but I would have spent the extra time stressing about what to wear instead of productively getting ready!”

Itskat Joy. “You are not that old! You’re what—thirty?”

“Thirty-one,” Joy replies.

“Same, same,” I say as I follow her back to her bedroom.

“Still, I don’t think that my accounting cubicle wardrobe screams ‘hip concert attendee’ in any universe,” she jokes.

I pat her on the shoulder before stepping into her closet. “We’re going to find you something amazing.”

As I begin thumbing through her shirt hangers, Joy dives right in to conversation.

“Seems like things are going really well with Brooks,” she sing-songs. “I’m not saying ‘I told you so,’ because I technically didn’t tell you that youshoulddate him. I’ll settle for ‘I totally called it.’”

I chuckle as I hold up a white shirt on a hanger before placing it back on the rod. “Things are definitely going well. Super well. All kinds of extremely well,” I say, not even attempting to hide my goofy grin.

“It was a risk that paid off,” Joy observes. “I’m glad you lived bravely.”

“Yeah . . . about that,” I mumble, turning to her. “There’s another risk I’ve been calculating. Or attempting to calculate. You know, on my chocolate bar calculator.”

Joy huffs a laugh and smiles, encouraging me to continue talking.

“I’ve been considering the idea of moving on from my staff position with Arrow to give teaching a try,” I admit, twirling a finger through my hair. “But every time I think I’ve officially decided, I can’t bring myself to take action. I talk myself out of bringing it up with my bosses every time.”

“What are you telling yourself when you talk yourself out of it?” Joy asks.

My mind circulates through possible explanations at breakneck speed. Something about Joy’s role in my life makes me feel safe enough to vocalize the inner turmoil that I haven’t really expressed to anyone. That I’ve barely acknowledged, even to myself.

“That I’ll be a disappointment. Not only to Kent and Rachel, but to the rest of the staff team. All the students.” I pause again before speaking the hardest part. “Maybe even a disappointment to God.”

Joy’s eyebrows shoot up. “What makes you think you would be disappointing God?”

“Because the Arrow job description is basically all of my personality traits and natural gifts rolled into one bullet-point list. I’m great at it. I get to make such a deep impact on so many girls who are trying to grow spiritually in college. I’m literally making a spiritual impactas my full-time job.A position I thrive in. Is it . . . wrong to not want to do that anymore?” I ask, chewing my lip.

Joy places her hands on my shoulders. “Oh, Teegan. Think about it this way. Is it wrong for me to work as an accountant at a tax firm instead of being on staff at our church?”

“Of course not! That’s totally not what I meant!” I exclaim.

“I know you don’t mean that forme,but do you mean that foryou?” Joy asks. I’m silent, so she continues. “Why would what’s true for me be different for you? What if this desire you’re feeling is God giving you a chance to impact people through a different avenue? God will use you no matter what your vocation is, Teegan. Whether that’s with college students here, or elementary students in Kansas City, or . . . architects in Alabama,” she says with a wave of her hand. “As long as your heart is his, God’s going to use your life to encourage others.”

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