Page 122 of Just One Kiss

“I am not in love with your dad,” she whispered, as if saying it made it so.

31

It was one of those nights. Tossing. Turning. Mind racing. She’d had more of these nights since Jaden’s diagnosis than she’d had in her entire adult life, but tonight, her thoughts weren’t filled with worry over her son’s health.

She rolled over for the thousandth time, flipped her pillow to the other side and stared at the ceiling.

She hated that she’d made a scene—a public scene! It was so unlike her. Cool, collected Carly flew off the handle. What was wrong with her? She rarely took a step without first analyzing all possible outcomes.

She hated that Josh still had this crazy hold on her, as if there was no way of escaping his lips, his eyes, the way he saw straight past her façade to all the things she would never say aloud.

Josh didn’t buy her strong, independent act for a second, did he?

Sure, she put up a good front, but inside, she was crumbling. He saw that now. Everyone saw that now.

She’d avoided her phone all night long, then hid out in her room, and now—she lay here, willing herself to sleep so she could pretend, at least for a few hours, that everything was back to the way it was supposed to be.

Wishing she hadn’t felt the unmistakable pang of jealousy the second she spotted Josh and Rebecca in town together. Shedidthink they were a couple. Shehadbeen relieved when he explained she was a co-worker. She’d been downrightoverjoyedwhen Rebecca mentioned her fiancé.

That Kyle was one lucky guy.

And suddenly she wondered about the women Josh had dated over the years. Had he loved any of them? Why hadn’t he gotten married? Had he whisperedI love youthrough intimate, stolen kisses the way he’d done with her so many times?

And again, she was back to wondering why she cared.

You’re still in love with Dad.

Jaden’s words rushed back and she swatted them away as if they were angry gnats at a summer picnic.

She most certainly was not in love with Josh. He’d left her, after all. She’d raised their son alone for fifteen years. Did he get a free pass simply because he seemed to have figured out he’d made a colossal mistake?

Sigh. Still. She might owe him an apology. She hadn’t even bothered to ask—she’d assumed. Jaden was up on the simulator. Josh was right beside him. Theymust’vethrown out the rules like thoughtless morons. They must not have cared one bit about the risks.

What an idiot!

Slowly, she crept out of bed and pulled on her favorite gray sweatshirt. Once upon a time, it had been Josh’s sweatshirt, she realized now, remembering how she wore it throughout her pregnancy with Jaden. Remembering sweeter, more tender moments between the two of them.

They’d been so in love. Crazy about each other. Josh wasn’t only her boyfriend, he was her best friend—the person who knew her better than anyone else in the world.

And then he left—and that love inched over the precipice into hate, and that’s where it had remained.

Until he showed up here and bought her a lawn mower and helped take care of their son and hugged her when she needed (and didn’t want) to be hugged and told her everything would be okay.

She shuffled downstairs quietly, so as not to wake Jaden, then walked outside into the darkness, started her car and drove toward the old fishing cabin.

He wouldn’t be awake, of course. It wasn’t like he was going to lose sleep over her public display of ridiculousness.

But when she pulled up and parked across the street from the small, shingled house, she saw the blue light of the television flickering through the bay window at the front. He’d probably found her father’s old VHS movies. Maybe he’d fallen asleep in a recliner or on the couch. She glanced at the clock. It was nearly two.

What am I doing here?

Wide awake and fully aware that she wouldn’t sleep until she got a few things off her chest, she hopped out of the car and strode toward the front door.

“God, if this is a mistake, please stop me,” she said aloud. “Let a comet fall out of the sky or put a giant sinkhole right here in front of me before I make an even bigger fool of myself.”

When neither of those things happened, Carly pressed on until she found herself standing on the porch of the little cabin that held so many memories.

She stood, unmoving, for several seconds, contemplating what she might say if Josh opened that door. She didn’t even know what she wanted from him—they obviously couldn’t get back together. She obviously wasn’t still in love with him. He had his life and she had hers, and now she was even considering a move across the country. Okay, maybe that was something of a fleeting thought, but it was still there at the back of her mind. She’d lost her promotion, after all.

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