Page 7 of Just One Kiss

Carly didn’t believe him then, and she didn’t believe him now.

I’m going to prove to you that I’ve changed.

“Can you text me updates?” he asked, ignoring her silence. “I have to run home and pack up a few things, but I’ll leave right away, and I can be there in a couple of hours.”

She hesitated before saying, “Okay.”

He made a conscious decision not to let it bother him. She had a right to be skeptical. Their history wouldn’t give her a reason to be anything but.

“But are you actually coming, Josh?”

Her question loomed in the air, pointed and direct. Same old Carly. He’d earned her skepticism. He’d own it now. “Yes, Carly, I’m actually coming.”

“Because I don’t want to tell Jaden you’re on the way if you’re not going to make it.”

He chewed the inside of his own cheek now, to keep from saying something he’d regret. She was trying to spare their son another disappointment. It was fair. But when would she finally realize he was different now? It had been nearly a year of keeping every promise. Would she ever forgive him?

Would he ever forgive himself?

“I’ll be there,” he said.

“Okay.”

She hung up, but he sat for several seconds with the phone still pressed to his ear.

Memories of everything he’d done, things Carly didn’t even know about. Things nobody knew. Would there ever be a day the past stopped haunting him?

Leaving had been the right decision—he didn’t doubt that—but the repercussions of it were overwhelming. And while Carly had made it abundantly clear she wanted nothing to do with him—that woman could hold a grudge like a toddler held a kitten, tightly and around the neck—Jaden had been open to the idea of starting over. Almost like his son had simply been waiting for him to finally show up.

So Josh vowed to commit. To step up. To man up. To do what he should’ve done all those years ago, to become a consistent presence in Jaden’s life.

And he prayed he wasn’t too late.

Since then, Josh had spent two weekends a month with Jaden, and in all that time, he’d only seen Carly in person once.

But once was all it took. It sent his mind spinning, his regret twisting, his heart lurching. He’d done everything he could to move beyond his failed relationship with his high school sweetheart, but he’d failed at that too.

Never mind she couldn’t even look him in the eye she was so angry. Never mind that she was better off without him.

But, oh, how he wanted to change that. Even after all this time, she and Jaden were all he wanted. Maybe it was a case of fixating on what he couldn’t have.

Or maybe he knew he was never going to love anyone the way he’d loved Carly.

The way he still loved her.

You’re no good for her, man. Get it through your head.

Josh rode the elevator to the sixth floor and got off in the lobby that led to his new(ish) apartment. He’d moved in a few months ago, with Jaden’s help, in fact, but he’d yet to unpack. The place was a definite step up, but it was a lot bigger than his last place, which only reminded him how alone he was.

He’d moved, in part, so Jaden could have his own room when he stayed with him. He’d even hired someone to come in and professionally decorate the kid’s bedroom in a downhill skiing theme. Jaden had loved it—one of the highlights of Josh’s year—but later told him he didn’t have to go to so much trouble.

“I’m just happy to spend time with you, Dad,” he’d said.

The memory wandered around in his mind as he threw some clothes in his duffel bag, then moved to the bathroom and packed up his toiletries.

He tried to think through anything he could possibly need, mostly to keep his mind from going to a dark place.

Carly only said Jaden had collapsed. They were doing tests. What did that mean? Would she text him when she found out more? Did she think of him as an equally invested person at this point or did she still think of him as the guy who bailed on them when they needed him most?

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