Page 29 of If You Love Me

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” My eyes close, and I will myself to step back, but I can’t. “This is...I shouldn’t—” But even as I say it, I press my hand to his chest and feel his heart hammering just as hard as mine. “I can’t be alone with you.” Because I don’t know if I could control the visceral need I have for him. With him, Ibelonged somewhere—even if it was brief, for a moment I felt like I was his. And I want that again, so badly.

His tongue drags across his bottom lip. “I'm trying to stay away from you, but I’m losing the battle.” He drops his hands and fists them at his side, eyes full of the same desperate longing that makes my chest ache at what could have been, if I’d made a different choice all those years ago.

But then I wouldn’t have this job.

“You should go,” he says gruffly.

I nod once, but he skims the back of my hand as I pass. Like he can’t help himself. Like his need matches mine and it’s too strong to deny. He might still be angry about me showing back up in his life out of the blue, but we’re both powerless against the pull. I keep walking, though, because screwing up my life isn’t part of the plan.

CHAPTER 11

ROMAN

Ipass the coaching staff as I board the plane for Ottawa. Coach Forrester is sitting in an aisle seat, dressed in a blue suit. Her long hair hangs over her shoulder in her signature braid, notebook open beside her, pen poised between her long fingers, New York’s last game against Ottawa plays on her laptop. It’s angled slightly so that Grace, who is in the seat next to her, can also watch.

“This right here.” She pauses the game as Ottawa takes the shot on net. “What do you see?”

He rubs his chin. “I didn’t read the play correctly.”

“Oh, but I think you did,” she replies. “And the deflection should have worked, but look what happens over here.” Connor leans in as she resumes the game.

Pride makes my chest swell. She’s making real progress with Grace on a game level, and I have confidence that the rest will follow. Especially because she lives and breathes the sport. In the weeks since she joined the Terror, she’s been constantly throwing out new ideas and looking for ways the team can level up.

I take an aisle seat, facing her. Her gaze lifts to mine for a moment before she returns her attention to her screen and she and Connor continue to dissect the game. Her pen finds its waybetween her lips. And my cock stirs at the combination of her owning her role, leading her players as we discussed, while also looking like my favorite treat.

“You all right, man?” Hollis asks.

“Huh?” I look away from Coach Forrester.

“You seem like you’re all up in your head. Last season reality hitting?”

“Oh. Yeah.” My stomach twists as I swallow down the lie. This is not about my career. This season can’t be over soon enough. “How was your meeting with your agent?”

“Good.” Hollis taps on his armrest. “I talked to Alex Waters yesterday.”

“Oh yeah? What’d he have to say?” Alex Waters, a legend of a player, runs the Hockey Academy out in Pearl Lake with a bunch of other retired players.

“They’re in the process of opening a satellite campus in Toronto. His parents are out in Guelph, and he wants a reason to be closer,” Hollis says. “They’re looking for coaches.”

“Really?” That’s an interesting option.

“He’s sending information next week. He asked what your plans were. Could be a good opportunity.”

I rub my bottom lip as my heart leaps. My gaze drifts back to Coach Forrester. I could stay in Toronto. Next year I won’t be on the team, and that means…she won’t be off-limits. Dating her wouldn’t be the issue it is now. We wouldn’t be contending with red tape and bureaucracy. Now it could damage her reputation, not to mention her career. But after I’m retired, I could pursue her with much less recourse.She could be mine. “It could. I’ll mention it to my agent.”

“It’d be nice if we could keep working together next year, you know?” Hollis says.

“Yeah, it would,” I agree. So much has changed in the past year, including our friendship, but coaching together could be a great next move.

It’s a short flight to Ottawa. Soon we’re getting settled in ourroom, and Hollis leaves me to my routine so he can “check in” on Peggy. I put all my things away, roll out my yoga mat, and do my post-flight stretch routine. When I’m done, I grab one of the green apples from the bowl I set out and head down to the lobby to meet Hollis.

But when I get there, the first person I see is Lexi. She’s pacing an empty hall, phone to her ear, tugging the end of her braid. Something is clearly wrong.I should leave her alone. I shouldn’t interfere, but the possibilities of what could be once the season ends make it impossible to walk the other way.

“How high is her fever?” She exhales a relieved breath. “Okay. That’s manageable. And you already gave her something for the temperature?”

She spins around and nearly slams into me. I settle my hands on her shoulders to steady her. Worry creases her brow. “We don’t want it to go over one-oh-three. I don’t love that I’m not there when Callie’s not well.” She mouths,I need a minute.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I murmur, hands still on her shoulders.

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