Page 54 of If You Love Me

“I mean, it’s a pretty depressing plan, so I’m up for alternatives,” Connor replies.

“Great. I have an idea for Lexi and the girls, but I need both of you to pull it off.” I look to Dred.

“Whatever it is, I’m in,” Dred says. “Especially if it means we can make the holidays better for Lexi.”

CHAPTER 18

LEXI

“Mommy, Mom! Daddy!” Callie bursts into my room, and the door bangs into the wall.

I sit up with a start, the hairs on my arms standing on end, a wave of goose bumps covering my skin. Callie stops short when she reaches my bed. Her lips pull down in a frown, and she hugs her stuffed axolotl to her chest.

“Did you have a dream?” It wouldn’t be the first time.

She nods, and her chin wobbles. “It felt so real. I thought it was.”

“I’m so sorry.” I open my arms. Callie clambers up onto the bed and into my lap, her mournful wails making my chest ache. I stroke her hair while I rock her. Mom used to do it for her when she was little.

“I just want them back. That’s all I wanted for Christmas. I wrote a letter to Santa and everything.” She hiccups and sobs even harder.

This kind of pain is soul crushing. I’m angry at my stepdad for being reckless, for taking himself and our mother away from us. She wasn’t perfect, but she was always there for my sisters when it counted. And now here I am, trying to fill her shoes and worried I’m failing.

I rock Callie until her sobs slow to a sniffle and the occasional hiccup. “Should I make you hot chocolate and we can eat sugar cookies for breakfast?”

She nuzzles into my neck. “Can we eat chocolate too?”

“I bought chocolate hazelnut croissants,” I whisper.

Even though they’re red-rimmed, her eyes light up. “Really? And we can have them for breakfast?”

Usually they’re an afternoon treat, but I can’t see her this sad on Christmas.

“Yup. Why don’t you wake up your sister?”

“Okay.” She slides off the edge of the bed, Axel still clutched to her chest as she rushes down the hall, calling Fee’s name.

I flop down on my mattress and work to compartmentalize the pain in my heart. I need to be strong for the girls.Please let that be the hardest part of today.

I grab my phone from my nightstand and check my messages. I have one from my dad and Jacqueline, who are in the Bahamas because her birthday is on Christmas Eve.

There are new ones in the Badass Babe Brigade chat:

Hemi

Merry Christmas! I’ve already posted this to Dallas’s feed while he was in a sugar coma last night.

A photo of Hemi with her family and Dallas’s gathered in the living room of one of their houses follows. Dallas is dressed in an elf onesie, chatting with Hemi’s brother.

Hammer

I’m sure he’ll appreciate all his new followers. Check out the sweater I made Hollis wear last night.

An image of Hollis wearing an ugly Grinch sweater, looking happily annoyed is under the message.

Tally

10/10 on both of these! The boyfriend just arrived, and I’m still in my jammies. Merry Christmas! I need to get downstairs before my dad corners him.

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