Page 82 of If You Love Me

Roman

I’ve got the best pizza in the city on speed dial if you need dinner sent to you.

I look toward the ceiling, trying to keep my emotions in check. I’m reaching my breaking point, and here he is, being so sweet and thoughtful.

“Lexi?”

“I’m fine,” I croak.

I type a quick reply.

Lexi

All good here!

We’re barely in the door before my phone rings. Of course it’s Roman. “I need to take this,” I tell my sisters. “I would like both of you to go to your rooms. I’ll call you when I’m ready to discuss your choices today.” I wait until they’ve disappeared down the hall before I answer the call. “Hey.”

“You never write text messages with exclamation marks. What’s wrong?”

And that’s all it takes for the dam to break. The first sob escapes, and I slap a palm over my mouth and rush down the hall to my bedroom. Throwing the door closed, I lock it and disappear into the closet so my sisters can’t hear me losing it.

“Lexi, angel, I’m on my way over. I’m leaving now. I’ll be fifteen minutes at the most.”

“You d-d-don’t?—”

“No arguments. I’m already on my way. Take a breath. I’m not hanging up, the reception might be crappy for a minute, and if I lose you, I’ll call back as soon as I’m out of the parking garage. Breathe with me, okay?” He counts to four and back down to one.

I follow the soothing cadence of his voice. “This is so hard, Roman.”

“What happened? Are your sisters okay?” he asks.

“Yes. No. They’re okay, but they’re not coping. I’m not coping. I feel like I’m drowning,” I whisper.

“I’ll be there soon, okay? And we’ll figure it out together.” A car starts. “You don’t have to do this on your own.” He keeps talking, assuring me I’ve got this, and he’ll help me through it.

My walls are crumbling. Having Roman come here is the wrong thing to do. But I need him. So I don’t lie and say I’ll be fine. I stay on the line while he drives to my place.

“Okay. I’m here and parked. Just buzz me in, and I’ll be up in a minute.”

CHAPTER 26

LEXI

I’m under control enough to pick myself up off the closet floor and buzz Roman in. When I open the door, he takes one look at me, steps inside, and folds me into his strong, warm embrace. “I’ve got you. Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

I grip his jacket and hold on for dear life, like he can stop me from sinking. Like he’s a life preserver in rough waters. Like I finally have permission to be vulnerable. With him, I don’t have to be strong and in control all the time. “I don’t know how to do this. I’m failing them.”

“Oh, angel, no you’re not.” He tips my chin up. “Tell me what happened. What’s going on?”

I recount the whole story through stuttered breaths and hiccups.

“This doesn’t sound like you’re failing. It sounds like two kids who lost their parents are struggling with how to handle their emotions. Should we get them out here so we can talk it through?”

“They can’t see me like this.” I dash tears away.

“Yes, they can, and they should. You’re hurting too. You’re not their parent, you’re their sister, and they need to understand that this is just as hard for you as it is for them. It’s okay for themto see you upset. It’s how you connect, and heal.” He presses his lips to my forehead, then guides me to the living room.

I sit on the couch, and he crouches in front of me, his hands on my knees. He’s just so incredible. Kind and gentle when the circumstances call for it, intensely focused and ruthlessly competent when it comes to his job and…other things. He knows how to handle this situation and how to calm me. I’m falling deeper every day, and I’m powerless to stop it.

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