Page 104 of Fallen Hearts

“Can I come closer?”

It wasn’t the words but the way he said them that dissipated any remaining anger. It was as if this was harder for him than me, which wasn’t physically possible.

I nodded.

Mason scooted across the bed. Took one of my hands and clasped it between both of his. They engulfed mine completely. Protector’s hands. But wasn’t he the one I needed protection from?

“I’ve been scared before. Any Ranger who says otherwise is a liar. Or cop, for that matter. But I was trained for that. No amount of training has prepared me to deal with losing my father, being forced to make a major life decision so quickly or meeting you. I have no idea if this is the right choice, I just know that if I stay here, I will never be able to leave you.”

“And that’s what you want? To leave me?”

“Part of me doesn’t want that at all. But there’s another part of me that wonders if I’ll miss the force if I quit now. I wonder, if I stay, will…”

He stopped. At the most important part of his speech, he stopped.

“Will what?”

If he wasn’t clearly hurting so much, I’d pull my hand from his and punch him.

“Will I end up heartbroken.”

Like his dad.

“Mason, you do understand that’s a huge leap, to compare yourself and your father? I’m fine. Fit as a fiddle. Besides.” I tried to add some brevity to an otherwise extremely heavy discussion. “We aren’t even girlfriend and boyfriend. That’s a long way away from something more serious.”

“I know,” he admitted. “But if I stay, it won’t be.”

Holy shit.

Was he saying that he was afraid if he stayed we would… get engaged? Married? How did a guy who couldn’t even commit to a long-term relationship make such a leap?

Would I say yes?

Was that even a question? Telling him my own feelings, that I loved him too, seemed futile at this point. For all this talk, he was going back.

“I honestly don’t know what to say. This is the most confusing breakup ever.”

“Maybe it’s not a breakup.”

Had he truly lost his mind? “Meaning?”

“What if we take it one step at a time. Instead of defining anything, just take it as it comes.”

“Practically speaking, that means what? Date other people? But when you come back for a visit”—I waved my free hand toward the bed—“end up here? Making love? Without the actual love part? I’m not sure it works like that.”

“I wouldn’t put it quite like that. I do love you, Pia. And maybe it can work like that, for now.”

I wanted to tell Mason I loved him too. But if he truly loved me, he wouldn’t want to see me with another person. But I held back. Was it possible for two opposite things to be true? Like when you loved someone but had to let them go, for your own well-being. But you were also sad even though you were the one to walk away.

Could I really love this man, watch him leave, and not fall apart every time we were together, but notreallytogether?

“I honestly have no idea if that would work,” I admitted. “I’m not a robot.”

“Like me, you mean?”

I was going to tease, “If the shoe fits,” but didn’t think Mason would appreciate the humor right now. Plus, I wasn’t really in the laughing mood.

“I don’t have the answers, Pia. All I know is that quitting my job so unexpectedly doesn’t feel right. Maybe with a bit of distance between us…”

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