Page 106 of Game Changer

“There’s plenty to see in Newry. And I had to take them here. Y’know, for the great food and infamous slagging and all.”

“Kiss arse.”

“Here, McCooey?” Lisa paused and made sure the hostess the café was named after, was listening. “Do you do chips?”

Liane’s face quickly went as red as her hair, and AJ felt as though he was missing something. No one got that mad over French fries. Or at least, he’d never seen anyone get mad over French fries, until now.

“I’m not even dignifying that shite with a response,” Liane called as she walked into the kitchen.

“It’s a ‘thing’”, Lisa told the boys when she’d left. “She doesn’t have a fryer in here, they don’t serve chips, but everyone and their dog asks for chips and it drives McCooey batshit crazy. We like to wind her up about it,” she grinned.

AJ shook his head, half confused, half relieved that the red-head who Lisa insisted spoke English, was gone.

“Cultchie,” Lisa said, as though she was reading his thoughts.

“A whatchie?” asked Jeremy.

“McCooey, she’s a cultchie,” she repeated as though that clarified everything and needed no further explanation.

AJ stared at her blankly and noticed Jeremy was doing the same.

“A country person? They basically have their own language and their accent is a bit stronger. Maybe I need to educate you in the way of McCooey with some of her Facebook videos, she’s hilarious.”

“Doesn’t matter how funny she is, neither of us are gonna understand a word she says.”

Lisa rolled her eyes and sipped her tea as the food arrived.

As soon as his plate was on the table in front of him, Jeremy got that glazed-over look he got when he was in his foodie happy place.

“We need to move to Ireland,” he announced as he tipped maple syrup over his pancakes. “Their breakfasts are legendary. They even serve breakfast at lunch time.”

“Some places do, anyway. Would you put that away!” Lisa hissed at Jeremy, referring to the bottle of Canadian Maple Syrup Jeremy had seemingly pulled out of his ass. “You can’t just… aw shit, here she comes. You’re in for it now.”

“My maple syrup not good enough for you American folk, no?”

“Actually, I’m Canadian.”

“Ooooooh. Excuuuuuuse me! Well, Mr. Canadian. It may be BYOB here in the evenings, however, that doesn’t mean bring your own bottles of maple syrup. How up yer own arse do you need to be to travel around with your own maple syrup? Who do you think you are? Mariah Carey? Frig me, I’ve seen it all now!” McCooey walked away shaking her head and muttering about ‘bloody millennials’.

***

What a city!he marveled as they drove into Belfast. Lisa was excitedly giving them a run-down of everything they were passing – as though the red bus tour guide wasn’t enough, Lisa had more to add, at every attraction.

I could listen to her talk about her homeland all day. She sounds so proud.

He’d already felt a pang for the ice as they’d passed the SSE arena, he’d love to take her to a home-game but there were no games during their trip. Watching her watch her home team, on their home ice, he could only imagine. He suspected she would be as entertaining as the game itself.

She’d talked about the two Harland and Wolff shipyard cranes and he was struck with awe at how anyone could gush about two hulks of canary yellow metal in the middle of a ship yard. But she spoke about them with such affection, he couldn’t help but smile.Only you could get attached to freakin’ cranes, Lis.

She had moved on to ranting about their parliament buildings, as impressive as they were, she was more upset that the local government hadn’t actually done any governing for the last couple years. AJ didn’t really understand the dynamics and intricacies of Northern Irish politics, but he had a sneaking suspicion from the passion with which Lisa spoke, that he’d be well-versed, by the time she’d finished with him.

Both he and Jeremy ate their way around St. George’s market. She’d warned him not to overindulge in, well, everything. But the boys had insisted they’d be fine and they needed to try something from every food stall.

That was a mistake. Might puke soon.

He felt a bit queasy, but he had been surprised at the variety of fare on offer in the market. He’d always expected Irish food to be bland and lacking. It had been delicious. Between bites, he’d even managed to pick up some gifts for his parents and Ana. Jeremy had taken countless selfies with the sign at theCheck Out My Bunsstall, and, despite AJ’s initial hesitation about vegan baked goodies, he had been pleasantly surprised.

“What did you think?” she asked, breathlessly, back in the car with Jeremy snoring in the back seat behind them.

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