Page 24 of Game Changer

AJ sat up again and paused before answering the question. He’d learned during his time in this room that if he answered that question with the first thing that came to mind, it usually led him down some random rabbit-hole of memories. It had often ended with the doctor coaxing him to peel back layers on some childhood angst, or something deeper than the reason he’d walked into the room. This time, however, AJ knew the exact reason he was sitting in Doctor Adler’s office, he just wasn’t sure how to communicate the mess he’d somehow gotten himself into.

AJ stood up and walked to the window, standing with his back to Jane. She’d told AJ to call her Jane at their first meeting, but for some reason, AJ couldn’t bring himself to address her as anything other than Doctor Adler.

I’m sure she’s come up with some deep-seated reason as to why I can’t just call her Jane.

Turning to face Doctor Adler, AJ sighed, ran his hands through his hair and dropped his hands frustratedly at his sides. “I messed up, Doc. I met this girl on the internet and I’m head over heels about her. I love her, you know? I can see myself being with her, too, in the long term.”

Doctor Adler crossed her legs and put her pen and notebook down on the table next to her. “You’re allowed to move on from Ange you know, AJ?”

“I know, it’s not that.”

“Is it the distance?”

“No. Kind of. But only because I can’t see her every day. It’s more than that, though. I married Britt.”

“Britt, your childhood friend?”

“Yeah…” AJ turned back to face the window and started to pace. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. She told me she needed it, you know?” He clenched his hands into fists as he paced.

“AJ, please sit down.”

“I don’t want to sit down. I married her, so she could stay in the United States. She said she needed it. She just didn’t want to have to do the hard work herself. And it’s not like she can’t afford it, she hasdaddyto throw money at problems and make them go away. What was I thinking? Why did I go through with it? And what the hell am I going to tell Lisa?”

“I’m guessing Lisa is the name of your friend on the internet?” AJ nodded. “AJ, please sit down and take a breath. Have a drink of water. What do we say in here?”

“Everything is temporary,” AJ mumbled.

“That’s right. And this, too, whatever it is you’ve gotten yourself into with Britt, it’s temporary. You have the power to change your own life. Why did you marry Britt?”

“I felt like I had to. Like I should. Like it was the right thing to do.”

“The right thing to do, for whom? Should is a dangerous word, AJ. We’ve talked about this before, too. What youshoulddo, versus what youwantto do. Did you want to marry Britt?”

“No.” He paused. “I actually think I want to marry Lisa.” The easy confession to his therapist jarred him a little.

“Lisa, a woman you’ve never met? Do you think you want to marry her because you have some idealized version of her in your head? If she’s kept at a distance, in another state, she’ll remain on a pedestal?”

“In another country,” AJ corrected. “And no, I know she’s not perfect. I don’t think she’s perfect, I don’twantto keep her at a distance. I want to bring her to Alabama, or for me to move to Ireland, and marry her.”

“But you married Britt… so you couldn’t?”

“That’s notwhyI married Britt. But it does now mean that I can’t marry Lisa, yes.”

“Don’t you think that’s interesting? Are you sure that’s not why you married Britt?”

“I’m sure, I haven’t known Lisa long enough for that to be the deciding factor in my marriage to Britt.” He paused. “I think it’s messed up, Doc. That’s what I think. And now I feel trapped. Like I’m suffocating in my life and I’m terrified to tell Lisa what I’ve done, because if she has any sense, she’ll leave me, too.”

“Like Ange left you, you mean?”

“Maybe I’m just supposed to be alone forever?”

“Isn’t that something a little beyond what a college student should be worried about at this point in his life? However, something to think about instead might be that maybe you sabotaged your potential relationship with Lisa because you don’t, for whatever reason, feel worthy of love?”

***

“I’m, like, one hundred percent sure you’re supposed to have class right now.” AJ shook his head as he jumped down the steps outside Doctor Adler’s quiet office and into a surprisingly busy downtown Hunstville.

“My best friend needed me.”

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