Page 54 of Game Changer

AJ: Exactly. Sleep.

***

Jeremy: When do you fly?

AJ: At the airport now. She’s not thrilled I paid for the flights but I know she can’t afford all this hopping around – not to mention, it’s my fault she’s hopping, so it’s only fair I foot the bill.

Jeremy: She’ll deal. Are you bringing me treats?

AJ: What are you, five?

Jeremy: Dude, that’s not an answer. And if it was an answer, it’s not the right one.

AJ: You’ll have to wait and see.

Jeremy: I hate you. Fly safe.

***

AJ felt his anxiety climb as they worked their way through the airport process. The closer to the plane they got, the tighter his stomach felt. His breathing was shallower and his patience was wearing thin – he was becoming irrationally agitated.

“You ok?” she asked her voice full of concern.

It’s kinda nice that she knows you’re not ok. It’s even nicer that she gives a shit that you’re not ok. I don’t think I have ever felt so cared about in a relationship before.

He nodded in reply and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead.

“I’m gonna go to the restroom and then grab a soda. You want anything?”

She chewed on her lip, tilted her head and stared at him intently, as though she was contemplating saying something. Finally she spoke, “are you really ok, Pim?”

Just tell her the truth. You’re anxious about going back. You don’t want to confront your life and you want to live in the London bubble forever – but, y’know, with actual sex.

“I’m ok, Lis. Really.”Liar, liar pants on fire.“I may grab a snack, you want one?”

“Sure,” she replied, clearly unconvinced that he was ok.

You need to pull yourself together, Pim. You can’t let your anxiety beat you,he thought as he walked towards the restroom.

He felt light-headed and short of breath.

Fuck.Anxiety attack.

He locked the door of the toilet stall behind him and put his hands against it to steady himself. Panic flooded his body as his heartbeat thumped loudly in his ears and his legs started to shake.

Am I having a heart attack? I don’t think chest pain is a symptom of a panic attack. I really don’t want them to find me dead in a bathroom stall.

Cold sweat trickled down his face as he managed to sit on the toilet and put his head in his hands. He felt as though the room was spinning and the air was getting thin.

There’s plenty of oxygen, AJ. Just keep breathing. It’s just a panic attack.

It’s just a panic attack.

He felt better after he threw up in the toilet, but his skin still felt clammy and his heart was racing. He checked his watch.

Eight minutes and counting. It should be over soon. Just go back to Lisa and catch your breath.

“Change your mind on the food?” she asked when she saw him.

---