Page 32 of Four Letter Feelings

She giggled and nodded. “He’s a smart one alright, Pim. And for the record, Pim is precisely that terrible in the kitchen. He burns toast!”

“That’s 'cause you always mess around with the dial!” he protested, clearly not enjoying being ganged up on by the women.

The more AJ protested, the more the women giggled, this was clearly not anything new in the Williams’ house but they all played their parts willingly. Even AJ seemed secretly happy to take a ribbing from his family members. Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at the obvious affection shared between the siblings and found himself wondering where his own estranged brother, Scott, was and what he was doing with his life.

Scott was six years older than Jeremy and when he turned eighteen, he announced that he wasn’t going to college. He was done with the Lewis family and what he deemed ‘overly controlling’ and ‘meddling’ parents. He packed his bags and hadn’t been heard from since the moment he left. Unfortunately, it hadn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. Scott had spent the majority of his life at home going out of his way to rankle their parents; he flunked out of high school, twice, dabbled with various drugs and had a loose relationship with the term ‘law abiding citizen’. When he left, though, it still crushed their mother, and made their father even more intent that the remaining child under his roof would abide by his rules and not follow his older brother down the path of debauchery. Jeremy often had to remind himself that it was probably incredibly hard for his parents, they were both type A and incredibly successful in their fields. They’d struggled with knowing how to cope with such a rebellious child. Even from an early age Scott had been hard to handle. Jeremy remembered a time when Scott was sent to live with their grandparents for a few months to see if that would help ‘straighten him out’ and give their parents a break. It hadn’t worked. Social workers, teachers and child therapists had attempted to help as well, but to no avail. The last few years at home had been tough for Jeremy, countless times he’d been tempted to follow in Scott’s footsteps and flee the coop, but he felt a strong sense of guilt and obligation that anchored him in place. He didn’t want his parents to feel like they’d failed any more than he knew they already did. His compromise was the year abroad. He needed space to think and grow, to become his own person independent of his parents and to make his own decisions about where his life was going, with or without their financial support. They had tried to stop him, to convince him that he didn’t need to go away for anywhere near as long, ‘go for a month’ they negotiated, but he was set on taking the time he felt he needed to figure himself out.

Looking back, he couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for his parents. Two full-time jobs and a child as complicated and troublesome as Scott had been. As he heard someone call his name Jeremy realized AJ was watching him intently.

“Earth to Jeremy.” Ana giggled, as she repeated herself.

“I think we lost you for a minute there, Jer,” AJ confirmed.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about… stuff, I guess.”

AJ cocked a questioning eyebrow, but Jeremy knew he wouldn’t push.

“I was just enjoying watching you guys sparring and shooting the shit, eh, sorry Mrs. W,” he paused and glanced at Cindy, waiting for her to chastise him for swearing.

She laughed. “If I got upset every time one of my children cursed in this house, I’d spend my entire life worked up. At the end of the day, they’re just words, like all the other words, they only have power if you let them. You don’t need to share what you were thinking about if you don’t want to. Contrary to how it might seem, we can actually respect personal boundaries in this house.”

AJ snorted. “Said to the king of crapping on people’s personal boundaries. Oh, the irony!”

Jeremy grinned. “He’s right. I think it’s kind of why our friendship works so well. He’s a compulsive over sharer and I’m a compulsive stepper-over-the-liner. Anyway,” he shrugged. “I was just thinking about my older brother.”

He looked at AJ who had furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion. “Your… what? You told me you were an only child!”

“Heh. Yeah. We don’t talk to him anymore. Haven’t spoken to him in years. I guess you could say we’re estranged. Is that the right term? I haven’t thought about him in a while, but seeing you and Ana messing around like that, it just made me wonder what he’s up to I guess.”

“Wow, man, I had no idea. You’ve never said.”

“Yeah. I know. He doesn’t come up much.”

And I’m quickly regretting bringing him up right now and making all of this uber weird.

“Do you need a hug, Jeremy?” Ana offered. “That must be super tough. Though some days I’d love to have years of quiet from Pim…”

“Ana!” Cindy scolded.

“I hadn’t finished, Mom,” she retorted, as she grabbed Jeremy into a reluctant hug. “Only some days,” she clarified. “And only for a moment. Truth is, I couldn’t imagine not having him around.”

Jeremy hated feeling pitied. He cringed as she smashed him against her, tightening her grip. “I’ll be your sister,” she whispered into his ear. “It’ll be fun having two older brothers to annoy the shit out of.”

He smiled, thanked her and broke free of her embrace.

“Dude,” he said, turning to face AJ. “That was all her and you saw my hands the whole time.”

AJ chuckled.

“I am terribly sorry to hear that, Jeremy. I really am. Your poor parents, they must be so worried about him. I can’t even imagine. It would devastate me if either of my kids turned their back on our family like that.”

Jeremy had always assumed that once Scott had left and severed his ties with their parents that his parents had severed ties in return. But hearing Cindy talk about how much it would crush her if it happened to her, Jeremy wondered just how much of a weight his parents had been carrying all those years. He made a mental note to remind himself to google Scott and see if he could find out anything about him. He wondered if his parents had ever attempted to look him up, or make contact with him. It had been a long time, almost a decade, and there had been a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of missed holidays and family dinners. Jeremy again found himself wondering, only this time it was whether it was time to attempt to bring the true prodigal son back into the fold.

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