Page 63 of Four Letter Feelings

Chapter 25

Jeremy didn’t hear AJ come back into the room, but at some point, he realized the packing had resumed and he was no longer sitting by himself.

“I’m sorry,” he managed.

“Don’t sweat it, man. She understands. Whatever you gotta do to keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other right now, you do, ok? We’ll clean up whatever we need to on the other side.”

Jeremy nodded, words failing him once again.

“You wanna have a shower now, or before we leave for the airport?” He checked his watch. “We have some time before we gotta leave. Shower, nap and breakfast, those are the three things we need to do before we leave, the order they’re done in, that’s up to you.”

The idea of eating or sleeping right now turned his stomach. “Shower,” he croaked, standing up and grabbing his towel from the back of the chair before he stepped into the bathroom. Closing the door, he rested his forehead against it for a moment before he felt himself starting to shake uncontrollably. He turned his back against the door, covered his face with his hands and sunk onto the floor.

You don’t have time to break down. Get up. Get washed. Sleep, eat, fly.

Placing his hands on the cool, tiled floor, he pushed himself back up to standing and turned the shower on to warm up. As he pulled his clothes off and dropped them on the bathroom floor, he was hit in the face by the smell of stale sweat and vomit.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing in the shower when he emerged, but AJ jumped awake when Jeremy walked into the room.

“Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.” Jeremy winced.

“Nah, not at all, man,” AJ answered as he sat up and stretched. “I wasn’t deep asleep anyway. What’s next? Food or sleep?”

His stomach still rebelled at the idea of eating, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep, either.

“I can try for a nap,” he replied, running the towel over his hair and pulling some boxers from a half-open drawer. AJ stood up and stretched again as Jeremy took his place on the bed.

“Cool, I’m going to have a shower and finish my packing. If you need me, holler, 'kay?”

But Jeremy’s eyes were already closed and his imagination was already pulling images from the darkest recesses of his mind.

***

When he started awake, he was disorientated. A light in the corner of the room caught his attention and he blinked the blurred figure into focus.

“You babysitting me now?” he mumbled, pushing himself up onto his elbow.

“I wouldn’t put it quite like that,” AJ answered, locking his phone and tucking it in the back pocket of his jeans. “I just wanted to be here for you, that’s all.”

Jeremy reached over and turned on the bedside lamp to help the sunrise that was trying to peek in around the curtains.

“I’m probably going to be a complete clusterfuck over these coming weeks-slash-months, Pim. But I want to tell you right now, before the crazy hits, that I appreciate you.”

“I know you do, man. I know. And I meant what I said earlier about not leaving you. You’re family to me. Ride or die, you hear me?” He winced. Jeremy guessed it was at his use of the word ‘die’ but he couldn’t be sure.

“We all packed?” Jeremy cleared his throat and attempted to defuse the rising awkwardness he was feeling.

AJ nodded. “Yeah, we’re good to go. Checked in for our flights. I’ve changed my sheets and we’ll change yours once you get your ass out of them.”

Jeremy grinned at how responsible his friend was. “You’re such an adulty adult, man… Shit. I feel so bad about yelling at Jessica. I should text her and say sorry before we leave.” He glanced across the room looking for his phone’s landing point when he’d thrown it earlier.

“I picked it up, it’s on the bedside cabinet, next to the lamp.”

“Oh.” Jeremy blushed, feeling suddenly very aware of his angry outburst. In addition to the messages from Blake and Chris, there was a friend request and a message request on his all-but-abandoned Facebook account from Chelsea. Clicking accept on the friend request, he went into his message request folder and clicked on her message.

Hey Jer,

Just want to make sure you’re ok, you seemed super sick. I know your girlfriend came to take care of you, but I thought I’d double check. I’m at the airport ready to board my early-morning flight home, but I can totally Uber Eats you some soup or something if you need it. Just let me know.

---