Page 9 of Four Letter Feelings

Chapter 4

Ben solved the potential issue of Blake awkwardly asking for his number by leaving it on the check. Jeremy watched with fascination as Blake nervously attempted to flirt as he swiped his card to pay the bill. He could hardly believe what he was seeing: the Blake he remembered was confident, outgoing and not at all shy about picking up guys he found attractive. In fact, Blake was someone Jeremy had aspired to be like from the moment they’d met. For as long as they’d known each other, Blake had always just been himself, no apologies, or excuses. If you didn’t like him, you could keep on moving. He was the most self-assured person Jeremy had ever known. Jeremy vividly recalled the conversation he had with Blake about coming out as gay to his parents.

“I never really came out, man. I didn’t really need to. I just was. They knew, I knew, and there wasn’t much else to be said. My gramps was a bit awkward about it when I first gave myself an official label, but I told him. I said, ‘Gramps, you either love me as I am, or we’re done, because I wouldn’t change for you, even if I wanted to, you always told me never to change for anyone.’ And he said, ‘Boy, just because I’m from another time and it’s a bit awkward for me to accept, doesn’t mean I’m a bigot. It’s my issue, not yours. I still love you and am always here for you, you know that. And that was as bad as it got.”

It had been a pivotal moment in Jeremy’s adolescence, and in that moment, he knew he needed to do more to care less about what other people thought of him, though it was something he struggled with, even now. He was reminded of having almost the exact same conversation with AJ, earlier.

Déjà vu, eh?

Jeremy knew that Blake hadn’t suffered as much bullying for his sexuality as many kids do. He partly attributed that to Blake’s size and the fact he could take anyone who made an unsavory comment towards him. But Jeremy had also always attributed it to Blake’s ‘zero fucks given’ and ‘accept me as I am’ attitude, which he was struggling to see right now as his friend blundered through the simple act of paying the bill.

“What the hell was that, man?”

Blake flashed a glare at him. “Shut up.”

“Where the hell did the, ‘I am who I am, fuck anyone who doesn’t like it,’ Blake Bartlett go?”

“I dunno, Lupes. He just… I forget how to function when I see him.”

“You just met him!” Jeremy exclaimed in disbelief.

“No, you just met him. This is the third time I’ve met him; it’s been my most successful encounter yet. At least I managed words this time.” He shrugged, clearly a mixture of embarrassed and amused. “I managed words this time, right?”

Jeremy chuckled and shook his head as they stood to leave the restaurant. “You got it bad, dude. So, who’s meeting us in the bar?”

Blake gave a self-conscious wave at Ben, folded the receipt carefully into his wallet and followed Jeremy outside where their Uber was waiting. “Nimmo, Ryan’s in town with the team and wanted to join, and Mike. Just the five of us; nothing too messy,” he replied with a wink as Jeremy pulled the door open and climbed inside the car.

“Sure, I totally believe that. It’s not like every night with you ends up being messy, right?”

***

On their way into the bar, Jeremy spotted AJ leaning against the bar facing the door and chatting to someone he didn’t know. “Is that Pim?” he heard from behind him. “PIM!” Blake hollered, loudly. Jeremy watched as recognition dawned on AJ’s face and broke into a grin.

“Who the hell is PIM?” Jeremy asked. Assuming the nickname had something to do with penalty infraction minutes – the statistic used to track penalties by hockey players – he shook his head and smiled as he put two and two together realizing Blake was referring to AJ.

“As I live and breathe! Blake fucking Bartlett is in the house! How the hell are you, man? I thought you were going to college in Chi-town! What are you doing here?” AJ asked, as he stepped towards Blake, arms outstretched for a hug.

“I was supposed to. Change of heart at the last minute. Basically, my momma made me wanna stay close to home, but I won’t admit that to anyone but y’all.” He winked, dramatically. “I’m here now; haven’t made it to practice yet, but I’ll be kickin’ your ass up and down the ice in no time!”

“I look forward to it.” AJ stepped back from the embrace and gave a quick chin tip in Jeremy’s direction.

“You two know each other then, eh?” Jeremy asked, though wholly unsurprised as Blake was quite the people person. “Wait, how do you two know each other? You didn’t come to high school with us in Iowa, right? You’re a year younger than us, no?”

“Aw, you jealous, Jer?” AJ grinned. “Is this where you get all demanding and say we can’t see other people?” he joked. “Blake and I go way back. Used to kick his ass at hoops back in the day, too. His family used to come to Canada for summer vacation. My best friend, Britt, used to think she’d marry Blake – she was literally the only person alive who didn’t know that he batted for the other team. Haven’t seen you in ages though, BB, you good?”

“Peachy keen, Pim, peachy keen. I didn’t realize you knew Lupes.”

“Yeah, he and I go allllllll the way back, to, like, yesterday or something, right hotshot?”

Jeremy chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he’s my new BFF.”

“I’m hurt!” Blake exclaimed, clutching his hands over his heart. “You and your friend wanna join us? Just a few of the team…” Blake paused. “Actually—” He hesitated.

“Yeah, I saw him, it’s cool. Maybe next time, eh? Brad’s in from out of state for a few days and we need to catch up.” AJ indicated the man sitting at the bar sipping on his beer, who, upon hearing his name, tipped his bottle in their direction by way of saying ‘hi’.

“No sweat, we have time. Shit, it’s good to see you, though, it must be damn near a decade! Doesn’t feel like it in some ways, though, I guess social media is good for something, eh?”

“Ok, Mr. Dramatic, let’s not exaggerate. Have a good night.”

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