Page 33 of Home for the Hockey-Days

“When are you seeing her again? After the holiday at school?”

I grunt before taking a drink.

“Why don’t you ask to see her over Christmas?”

“We barely know each other, Lachlan. It’s Christmas, she’s probably with her family...”

He studies me for a long moment while I polish off my fries. “What aren’t you saying, Gus?” He holds me with a hard stare that somehow pierces through my defenses. Maybe telling him what I’m afraid of will help me figure out how to move forward.

“I’m not good enough for her, okay? She’s smart, like super fucking smart, and beautiful, and funny, and...”

“Wealthy.”

My jaw drops.

“Don’t deny it.” He holds up his palm to me. “You really need to knock that shit on the head, Gus. You get back what you put out there. If you believe you’re not worthy of love because you’re broke, you’re never going to get love, or fucking money. The universe listens to that shit.”

It’s a bit too much of a woo-woo answer for my liking.

“How you talk to yourself is important. If you constantly tell yourself and others you’re not worthy, or that the onlyworth anyone has is financial worth, you’re going to end up miserable and alone.”

“Ugh.” This time, I don’t hold back from smacking my head off the table.

“Did you fuck it up already? Did you push her away?” He studies my face. “Gus, please don’t tell me you fucked it up.”

Why he’s so invested in my love life is anyone’s guess, but I guess it’s nice that he cares. “I don’t think so. I mean...” I rub my palms on my thighs. “I tried to scare her away by taking her to see Maggie.” I jerk my thumb at the counter. “And I told her about Todd.”

He groans, giving me an eye roll that would rival a high schooler’s. “And how did that go?”

“Maggie insisted she get an invite to our future wedding.”

Lachlan smacks his thigh with a laugh. “Well, if Maggie likes her, she can’t be bad. How long has it been since you’ve dated?”

“A while.” I’m not answering that with specifics. Heaving out a weighted breath doesn’t lighten the tension in my body. “I’m afraid of fucking it up.”

He slurps at the bottom of his shake with his straw. “You deserve all good things, my friend.” He pauses. “Except winning the Frozen Four, that’s got the Wolves all over it this year.” He grins. “But you deserve to be happy. Just be yourself, that’s more than enough for anyone. If you act like you don’t deserve her, then you won’t.”

He holds up his hand again. “Don’t. It’s Christmas. Allow me this one time a year to be a sappy fucker, and I’ll go back to head smacks in the New Year.”

We fall silent for a couple of minutes as his words sink into my subconscious. Could it be that simple? Believe I’m worthy of her affection, and I will be?

I guess there’s one way to find out. I pick up my phone, and type out a message.

August: I need your help.

CHAPTER 15

Rowan

August’s name sits on my screen, my thumb hovering over the ‘send message’ button as the sound of Mom and Dad arguing fills the air. Life would be a hell of a lot easier for all of us if they called it quits, filed for divorce, and went their separate ways.

It’s Christmas Eve, for fuck’s sake. Can’t I even get a time out over the holidays? The painful pounding behind my eyes throbs harder as they get louder and louder.

Same thing, different day.

Dad wants to feed his gambling addiction with Mom’s inheritance from Grampy, but it’s in a protected trust that he can’t get to. Turns out she put it in a trust for me that no one can access until the day I turn thirty years old.

She says he needs help. He says she needs to stop being a miser, it’s not that bad, she’s overreacting.

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