Page 40 of Riding the Pine

But don’t I have to be?

First born. The oldest of four.

Be the bigger sister, Mija.

Don’t irritate your brothers Mija.

Stop being so dramatic, Mija.

And when Ares started going off the rails, I had to light myself on fire to keep the rest of the family warm. So I took that fucking label,boss bitchand wrapped it around myself like an invincible fucking shield.

“Athena?” Scott’s voice is sharper as his face comes back into focus. He’s pale, scared, and right now it seems he’s not worried about my brother, but more for me.

I want to reach out and touch his face, to smooth out the frown lines between his eyebrows, but I’m not alone in this room. And my family has gone through too much trauma today to think I’m trauma bonding with Scott.

I almost snort again. They’d probably want to protect him from me, not the other way around.

“Yeah.” The word is so unbelievably heavy as I sigh it out of my breath. I blink back into awareness. Waiting room. We’ve been here for hours with Pollo. He’s a wreck.

The more I stare at him the more I see of me in him, which makes me wonder how I’d fare if Scott were in an accident because for as much as I love Savannah, and as much as she’s my best friend… Scott was here first, and despite trying to keep him at arm’s length, I think he knows me best.

My heart tightens at the idea he might get hurt, that I could be the one standing in a room like this waiting for word that he’s made it out of surgery alive. A strangled sound makes it out past my lips, and someone moves to comfort me, but Scott holds out a palm. “It’s okay. I’ve got her.”

And he does. He always does.

His voice is as firm and reassuring as his arms are when he pulls me into them.

I’m pretty sure Artemis says something to Scott about how I’m in shock, how I adore Edith. He’s right, I totally do. She’s the ballbuster my brother needs, but in her own right she’s every bit the Greek mythological being as my brothers and I are named after. But this paralyzing fear isn’t because of Edith, it’s because something could happen to Scott, and he wouldn’t have the first fucking clue of the depth of my feelings for him.

I turn my head to the side, catching a glimpse of a pale and shaky Apollo. Is that what he’s thinking right now? That she could die, and she’d never know he loves her so damn much?

Does Apollo know how much I love him?

Grief makes me squeak again as I’m mentally assaulted by racing thoughts of mortality and loss. If I never said it out loud, could Scott truly know how I feel about him?

The words are right there on the tip of my tongue, ready to slip out into the air for all to hear when the arms holding me against his chest tug me tighter against him.

Artemis says he’s going to take me home but Scott’s body tenses at his words. “I’ve got her,” Scott repeats.

I’d be okay if Artemis were to take me home, I would. But there’s something about being with Scott that lets me take my big sister hat off and just relax. With my brothers I feel like I always have to know what to do in a crisis. They all look to me as their leader, even though I don’t have a dick, and it’s so fucking nice, but sometimes I truly want to throw my hands up and say, “I don’t fucking know,” and have that be okay.

“Don’t take her to the hockey house.”

Scott sighs like he would never have done that anyway, and it’s hard not to smile against his chest. To his credit, he doesn’t react, he doesn’t even sound impatient or offended as he tells my brother that Justin has Savannah over at the hockey house tonight so he’s taking me to my own house where he’ll stay with me all night.

He’s not defensive or confrontational, but he’s firm, like no matter what Artemis says next, Scott isn’t going to let me go without a fight.

Why does that make me warm all over?

My shoulders sag as I learn he won’t leave me by myself. I’m a strong, independent woman who can do anything she puts her mind to, but sometimes I just need someone else to stand by my side for a hot minute.

Artemis suggests maybe taking me to his apartment to stay. I get the ‘why,’ I could put a shirt on that smells like him and be close to both of the twins when they get back from the hospital, but I shake my head.

“I should stay,” I mumble against Scott’s sweater.

“You should not, and you will not.” Scott’s voice is a low, cautionary tale in my ear, sending goosebumps sprouting all over my skin. “You need sleep, and if I have to sit on you to make sure you get it, I will. You don’t want me to sit on you, Bright Eyes. I’m a heavy motherfucker.”

I have no fight left in me to argue, I don’t even want to. I’m deflated. My father’s an asshole, my mother will be the subject of gossip, my brothers are out for blood, one of them almost died tonight, and another member of our family still might.

---