Page 49 of Riding the Pine

I’m not supposed to think about it. It makes my dick think it’s happening, and right now he’s starting to wake up and that’s not appropriate given the current company I’m standing in.

Apollo and Edith are here, obviously, but there’s tension there. From the hissed whispers and the daggers they’re throwing at each other, I’m getting the impression that Apollo doesn’t want to go to Belfast any more than I do. Nothing against Belfast, or Northern Ireland, we would just rather be with our women. Is that so wrong?

Athena arrives next, she’s the most adorable reindeer I’ve ever seen. She’s got her hood up, I’m not sure if it’s to hide her identity, or to complete the look upon arrival, but she’s in full-on reindeer mode, and I’m here for it.

I love a woman who can have a bit of fun. That’s not true. I love this woman. I don’t care if other women can have fun. Just this one, and she can.

She grips my cheek when she gets to me. “Who’s a pretty little elf?”

“This guy.” I hook my thumbs toward my chest. “I’m glad you acknowledged it. Totally outdone by the prettiest reindeer I ever did see.”

She blushes at the compliment before going to give gingerbread-clad Edith a big hug and kiss. She’s brought her a little, black gift bag stuffed with hot pink tissue paper that she hands to her before circling the bed to hug her Christmas tree brother.

She hands him a little black bag, too, his has red paper poking out of the top, then she comes back to hand one to me. My tissue paper is green to match my elf outfit.

Ares is dressed in a Santa onesie when he arrives, Eloise is a penguin, and Artemis is a snowman. I thought we were all matching, but I kind of like the fact we’re all different. Athena hands out her presents to the last three people to arrive. We eachhave snacks, some fancy schmancy chocolatier I’ve never heard of. There’s a box with a sticker on it, if I had to guess, I’d say there are no more than six chocolates in this thing.

Except I don’t have to guess, Ares already has the damn box open, and he’s tossing a chocolate ball into the air. Eight chocolates. Edith pulls a ballerina Barbie from her bag and her eyes well up.

Athena sits on the edge of Edith’s bed, facing Edith and kind of me, side-on. She takes Edith’s free hand with both of hers, and she pats it. “We will exhaust every option under the sun to get you dancing again Edith. You have my word.”

Edith doesn’t reply, she only sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and nods.

Apollo mouths ‘thank you,’ to his sister who shrugs off his gratitude and how kind and awesome she is because she hates credit.

Artemis’s gaze on my cheek is heavy, when I finally meet his gaze, he tips his head to the side with a raised brow.

I widen my eyes to communicate ‘I’m trying,’ but he simply rolls his eyes at me in return. When he jerks his head at his sister, I turn my attention to my own bag. Focusing on chocolate balls will be a distraction from focusing on my own blue balls.

I have a pin in my bag, it says, ‘Goonies never say die,’ and there’s a Rubix cube. I don’t know why my soon to be girlfriend is intent on having me break the walls in the hockey house because I don’t have the fucking patience to work a Rubix cube so I will never mess it up. It’ll be in pristine condition for the rest of its life.

At the bottom of the bag there’s also a hundred buck gift card for the movie theatre, and another hundred buck gift card for 30Hop, one of my favorite places to eat in Cedar Rapids.

I can’t scold her, she always gives us gifts at Christmas time, and she’s always included me in that. Usually, it’s a gift cardfor somewhere, something practical, Target so I can splurge on fancy groceries, or for Hyvee so I can get gas for my car, or whatever.

This time, though, it’s personal. Movies and treat food.

Everyone else tends to get smaller shit than the gift cards she convinced me to accept last year. “I can’t buy my brothers gift cards,” she’d said. “They can buy those themselves.”

She wasn’t being a dick, but I still remember the pang in my chest at the thought I can’t just go out and buy whatever shit I want to buy.

“So, I buy them stupid stuff that they may need but don’t think to buy, or something nostalgic from our childhood.”

Last year, she bought Ares a yoyo, and he still plays with it.

“Please don’t make it a thing, just take the gifts and put them to good use. I don’t care if you go to Hyvee and buy a hundred bucks worth of cake, Scottie, just don’t reject my gift.”

So, I didn’t. But there’s a not-too-small part of me that really doesn’t like accepting that kind of high-value gift from her.

Except this year. This year, well, I can use her gift cards to take her to the movies, and to take her to 30Hop, so I’m thrilled. I’ll be spending her own money on her, and she’ll hate it, but that’s my compromise. Suck it, Bright Eyes.

Everyone turns to me, making me realize I was chuckling out loud. She smirks as I hold up the Goonies pin as if that’ll explain while I’m sitting in the corner with a demented smile on my face.

“Thanks, Bright Eyes.” I lift my gift bag to her in a ‘cheers’ moment.

“Yeah, thanks.” Ares is three balls deep.

Athena waves her hand in dismissal. “Well, you know, the real Athena?—”

---