Page 102 of Bring You Back

I amend my words with a softer tone as I say, “It’s gonna be dark soon.”

“I guess I’ll just stop asking,” she decides, and from the corner of my eye, I see her waiting for my confirmation or denial of whether she should. I give her neither. We’re quiet, both of us unsure of what to say next, if we should say anything at all. She follows my stare to the family on the beach, then looks back at me. I’m already bracing myself against her next words, an assurance I know is coming, one I don’t want to hear.

“You’re gonna be a great brother.”

Thankfully, the kid saves me from a response by yelling, “Badger! Mom! I want a badger!”

I feel the start of my smile at the kid’s random request, and it’s Reyna’s laugh that pulls it out.

“What?” she questions to no one in particular before directing one at me. “Isn’t that the animal with the tennis racket looking tail?”

A laugh bursts out of me, and she returns it with another questioning, “What?”

“That’s a beaver,” I correct her once I’ve composed myself, amazed that I even know which animal she’s thinking about. “And I think you mean a paddle.”

“Oh.” Her face scrunches, then perks up with confusion. “Then what’s a badger?”

“Fuck if I know,” I say on a chuckle, and she laughs again.

“Well, at least I’m not alone.”

“You’re not,” I say, all humor gone as I look at her. The seriousness of my tone sobers her face. “Alone.” I think back to the night she was drunk, how she was so worried about Camille being alone and I assured her she wasn’t. Now I need to assure Reyna of the same, and hope it gets through. “You’ll never be alone.”

She gives me a small smile, but there’s worry in her eyes. “What’s wrong, Julian?”

The question makes me look away, change the topic to what’s been on my mind since Tommy first brought it up. “Camille—” I feel Reyna stiffen against my shoulder, so I’m quick to finish. “—is struggling.” I decide to not tell her what I witnessed at my porch light with Camille that night. It feels personal. It feels like ours. So I open my mouth to clarify what I’m referring to, but Reyna doesn’t need it.

“With Caleb’s death,” she says for me, relief in her voice that I wasn’t about to tie this to her. “Yeah, Tommy and I talked about it already. I mean, that’s Camille for you. She’s never really been good with emotions. She always has to be above everything.”

I chuckle despite myself at the jab in her tone. This has been the source of most of their arguments over the years. Reyna being so in tune with her emotions, and Camille not being in tune enough.

“She’ll make it through,” she adds, her tone dismissive. “She always does.”

I look at her again as she holds her stare to the sunset. She’s showing the same attitude as Camille, which tells me they haven’t exactly repaired their friendship. They’ve always teased each other, made jabs, but Reyna’s now carries more hostility. Resentment.

I’m smacked with the thought that I’ll be coming between them. I’m smacked with the second thought that I already have. I already am. I’m not going to help them. I’m going to be another road block. An extra hurdle they have to jump.

I get out of my head and focus on Reyna’s last words. I can’t fault her for thinking them. For a number of reasons. I even thought the same thing. But I now know that Camille will continue to struggle without our help.

She’s never been a girl covered in issues. She doesn’t want to be changed by anything, but she was tipped over by the first major one she has. If her scars have anything to say about it.

If the violence against Banks has anything to add. She’s always used her words against him—against everyone—and now she’s using her hands, her boots. It’s a different level of aggression. She’s less tolerant—in a lot of ways, which is something else I can understand from personal experience.

“She needs us, Reyna.” I’m defensive, and the look on her face tells me I used the wrong tone. Reyna cares for Camille, but she’s not oblivious, stupid, or forgetful.

“I know,” she says, returning the tone, then shrugs. “So what’s the plan? It’s not like I can work my magic and get Caleb to show up over dinner. We can’t bring him back. So what do we do?”

What Reyna doesn’t know is that I’m already considering taking some of hermagicto go behind Camille’s back. I haven’t actually decided, so I keep that part to myself until I’ve gone through with it. “I’ll figure it out,” I tell her. I just need one last piece of information. “When’s her next shift?”

Reyna stares off in thought, then says, “Tuesday. Same as mine.”

Two days from now.I’ll have to swap my shift at the surf shop so I can be home when she’s out.

I feel more like myself right now than I have in months, which is hilarious considering I’m thinking about doing something that’sunlikeme. Despite that, things feel … almost normal. My friends and I are in something together again. Well, we will be once I get inside Camille’s head.

I lean against the windshield and stare at the sky, taking in a perfectly good sunset. “I talked to my mom,” I tell Reyna, feeling like I want to talk about the steps we took inside my kitchen.

“And?” She leans back, too, anticipation in her voice.

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