Page 8 of Bring You Back

Tommy’s not one to show anger—true anger, but I’ve seen flickers. He keeps most things to himself, bottles up the deep stuff. Like his love for Reyna. And his hatred for my getting with her. As I told him when he first found out about me and Reyna, this isn’t my fault. And as he told me right back, during one of those flickers, fucking Reyna when I know she has feelings for me and I know that I don’t share those feelingsismy fault.

I gave him that. I’m an asshole, not dumb.

I don’t like thinking about that night. It was the first time I’ve fought with Tommy. I didn’t even have the decency to let him hear it from me before I pursued Reyna. He had to catch us in the act while I was volleying between telling him the truth and trying to hide it as long as possible before I could say anything. What good comes from telling the truth? The last time someone told me the truth, my life fell apart. And I’ve been trying to hold on to what’s left.

Tommy watched me kiss Reyna, then confronted me after. It was the first time he looked truly betrayed. But the fact is, he’s had four years to say something.

Thomas Holloway has carried a torch for Reyna Stokes since freshman year, but he’s chickenshit when it comes to his heart.

I’m not trying to hurt them. I’m not trying to torture myself. I’m just trying.

I snap the lid shut and return the chicken to the fridge, meeting my mother at the corner when she comes out of her hideaway. Our suddenly locked stares are filled with a feeling we can’t voice, beginning with different thoughts and ending with the same unanswered question:Why?

There are so manywhys, and neither of us know where to start.

Get her back. Tell her off.Two choices, and I always lean toward the latter. It’s a fight I’m really good at losing.

She clears her throat and looks past my shoulder, her apprehensive eyes now showing concern. “Is everything okay, Tommy?”

Of course she wouldn’t askmesomething she already knows.

I look back at Tommy who has the remnants of Reyna thoughts all over his face before his eyes rise to my mom’s, and I know what he’s about to say.Don’t,I warn with my stare, but he does.

“Caleb’s dead.” I close my eyes on a sigh. “Car accident.”

I look at my mom right as she places a hand over her heart, both of us absorbing this new piece of information.Car accident.Caleb was an adrenaline junkie. Surfing—extreme tricks, wild waves—boat racing, sky diving, ziplining, you name it, andthat’swhat kills him, a fucking car accident? He didn’t care for or fool around with cars. They were transportation, that’s it.

I look back at Tommy with a wide, disbelieving stare.Are you serious?

He gives a slow, helpless nod.

“How’s Camille?” Mom echoes my first thought when I heard, a tightness in her voice that builds one in mine. “We should—”

“We don’t know,” I answer, clearing my throat at the same time so it comes out harsher than I intend. I feel my mom’s hand on my arm and I flinch away from the comfort. I don’t need it.Not for this,I think through a surge of resentment.

“You’re not the only one going through this,” she reminds me. We’ve moved from the past back to the shitty present.

“You’re the reason we’re going through this,” I remind her, before reminding myself that we’re all the reason—each of us played a role in the destruction of this family; my mom, my dad, and even me. We’re all at fault, but my mother was the first domino to fall.

“Julian—”

“Don’t.”

I see Tommy inching for the door and I try to lock him in place with a stern look. “You guys need to talk,” he says with an encouraging nod to me.

“No, we don’t.” I pin him with another look.Get your ass back over here.He doesn’t get it. His parents are still together, he has no real idea of what I’m going through here. He doesn’t leave, but he stays at the door. It’s my mom who leaves, back to her bedroom.

Tommy shakes his head with the same look Reyna gave me just a few hours ago. He’s disappointed. “When are you gonna fix this?”

“Fix what?” I challenge him to say it.Say her name. Say what it is you want me to fix more.If I have to hear how this isn’t me one more time—

“Everything,” he says, and that’s enough to make me want to get the fuck out of here.

Not today, I think as I stalk over to him and swipe my keys off the side table.Never today.I open the door and freeze, my breathing stalling in my throat. It’s like my head knew I needed to escape, not from the one standing behind me, but from the one now standing in front of me.

Camille Godfrey is here. Her big, brown eyes hold mine, the breeze carrying her dark hair across her face, drawing my attention to the slow parting of her lips. A feeling sparks in me that takes me back to then, to the last time I saw her lips part this way, a hopeful anticipation overcoming both of us, and I have to snap myself back to right now. My keys bite into my palm, the stretching of skin around my knuckles pulling on the splinter there. The breath leaves my mouth as the sight of her finally sets fire to my feet.

I slam the door and walk past Tommy, crossing the house to leave out the back door.

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